I said to myself, "Self, let's...

I said to myself, "Self, let's get on down to Kappa Kabanna! I haven't seen Katarina or Shelby in quite some time and they know just how to boost my spirits!"

Well, maybe I should have called ahead. Neither of my two favorites were there. Oh well, I was determined to make it a good evening, anyway. So, for the first time, I ordered a dinner. A hamburger and fries, and I must say they were really good! A couple of other customers had food, so they must be doing well in that department.

Once I had finished dining, I surveyed the vast selection of FIVE talented dancers, of varying degrees of beauty. I had over $100 with me, so I was equipped to buy at least 3 of Kappa's rather expensive $30 lap dances. (At least the DJ doesn't cut the songs) I chose one girl whose looks reminded me of a former girlfriend, thinking this could be someone new for those times my faves don't show. Spending time waiting for a new song to begin, she apologizes for smelling like men's cologne. She had previously danced for a guy that uses too much of the stuff. Honestly, I couldn't tell. And then she smells my shirt and identifies what laundry detergent I used. All very interesting, but not exactly arousing. Finally, our song starts. About a minute into the song, I reach for a quick touch of her exquisite boobie. Which got a quick "No boobies for the $30 dances". I suppose that implies that the $150 VIP dance gets boobies. But, that attitude caused me to hear a vault slamming shut in my brain, and when the song was done, so was I. These days, a simple touch out of the bouncer's view should really be no big deal. Oh well, that's what auditions are all about. This girl gets $30 when $100 was easily within her grasp. I suppose it's too much to hope she reads TUSCL.