article comment
13 years ago
I've been to many clubs and have been a regular customer at a few. I know several dancers very well from when I was a regular. I've done 30 or more champagne rooms with 9 dancers and many couch/lap dances with at least 40 dancers as a regular and occasional customer at a least 10 clubs. I would say that it is rare for a dancer to develop a sexual relationship outside the club that is not mostly about money. Depending on the club, I estimate between 40 to 60 percent of the dancers use drugs (mostly cocaine) and most of them you cannot trust at all!
However, I also estimate about 5 to 10 percent do develop, or have had honest, sexual-love relationships with customers. In their degree of sincerity, they are no different than non-dancers among the general public. (Even among the general public I estimate LESS than 20 % of non-dancers develop honest sexual love where material wealth or extreme insecurity is not the major reason.) The rare exotic dancers that engages in genuine friendships and love/sexual relationships are among the ones with the strictest rules about touching and, in most cases, are very smart and have a college education, and they do not do drugs. But some do drink alcohol.
I'm close friends with 4 part-time dancers like that. One has a semi-professional job during the day and dances for extra money (she use to do it in college); another lost her job as a teacher and dances (she also danced while in college) to supplement unemployment; and the other two are college students who dance because its the only way to pay for out-of-state tuition and their status as international students. All four live in cities outside of the city they dance in. This is because they don't want anyone where they live, or place of employment, or at their school, know that they strip. At my place of employment (I will not reveal my job) I frequently see two of the dancers. I keep what they do as a secret, and they keep it a secret that I first met them at a strip club.
I go out frequently with (and have had some sex with) two among the four dancers. But I know all four very well and have seen plenty of hard evidence (college transcripts, job badges, met their non-stripper friends at their work place, etc.) to know that they are telling me the truth. They have never asked for money and, in fact, they have turned down offers of money from me to help them when in a financial bind. At times they even insist on paying for drinks or dinner. Three of them were originally from another country but are either citizens now, or are green card holders. All four have extremely individualistic and unique personalities. Most notably all 4 are emotionally very secure about themselves, which is rare among most other women in the general public or among strippers. Also, 3 of them are from moderately well-off families who do not know that they strip. Interestingly three hardly ever drink alcohol, don't smoke, and have no tatoos. One has tatoos, drinks and smokes but nevertheless is very different from most exotic dancers and other women.
All four, as well as nearly all dancers, are highly tolerant of men's physical appearances, the roughness and touch of a their hands, and personalities of men in general (as are most women, but perhaps to a lesser extent). All four view most customers as men who show varying degrees of disrespect for strippers and especially view strippers mostly as sexual objects--no surprise here! They all agree with my analogy that 80 percent of the time they tolerate customers sort of the way a nurses aid or a plumber has to tolerate their job, but still have to do it. They allow for a limited amount of physical contact (including sucking their tits in the champagne room) that in most cases does not turn them on. But all four told me that they get turned on occasionally, at least a little, by the right guy who is nice and attractive to them. How's that different than when dating a really attractive nice guy? You get paid directly, and sometimes a lot, for letting him touch you intimately...what a deal when it's a pretty nice guy!!
Also, I know 2 really decent club managers and 3 bouncers who are married to dancers. The two club managers were protective of, and took good care of, one of my close dancer friends when she worked at their club. So in my experience, and observations, it is possible to develop a close and even genuine sexual relationship with a rare and exceptional dancer. But don't expect success, if you're a jerk and clearly put out vibes that you don't really respect them. And if you're interested in a friendship or love affair with a stripper, and lucky enough to have one, expect that they may be as fickled or unpredictable as any other woman...after all, they are women!!