Joke Time
BabyDoc
Wayfaring Stranger
To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Johnny could find no hope in it.
On the golf course one day, one of them said, “Johnny, did you hear about Tom?”
“He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself!”
“That’s awful,” said little Johnny, “but it could have been worse.”
“How in the hell,” asked his bewildered friend, “could it have been worse?”
“Well,” replied Johnny, “if it happened the night before, I’d be dead now!”
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First Bull: “I’ve been here five years. I’m not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows.”
Second Bull: “I’ve been here three years, and have earned my right to 50 cows. I’m keeping all my cows.”
Third Bull: “I’ve been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I’m keeping all 10 of my cows.”
Just then an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture, carrying the biggest bull they’ve ever seen.
At 4,700 pounds, each step he takes strains the steel ramp.
First Bull: “I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend.”
Second Bull: “I actually have too many cows to take care of. I can spare a few. I’m certainly not looking for an argument.”
They look over at the third bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting.
First Bull: “Son, don’t be foolish, let him have some of your cows, and live to tell about it.”
Third Bull: “Hell, he can have all my cows. I’m just making sure he knows I’m a bull.”
amnesia.
a roommate was helping me recover by having me look at the 3 pictures posted on my bedroom wall.
who's the first pic? roommate: why that would be your favorite rockstar.
second pic? roommate: that would be your favorite porn star. you know-the girl you jerk off to all the time?
third pic is a mugshot of some dude. and who is this? roommate: that guy? why he's the guy that the cops caught jerking off to you while staring at you through the window. after hearing that i passed out, bonked my head and now i've recovered and remember everything.
His dad said: “We’d get you one but our mortgage is $80,000 and your mom has lost her job.”
Next day little Johnny walked out with his suitcase packed, his dad asks: “Where are you going son?”
Little Johnny replied: “I walked past your room last night and heard you tell mom you were pulling out, then I heard mom tell you to wait coz she was coming too, I’m not staying here on my own with an $80,000 mortgage and no bike!”