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PussyLicker was so right about valet! OMG!

BubbleYum

Blow me. 😙 Pronouns: hoe/heaux

It finally happened. Valet fucked up. I twerked somewhere on Eight Mile in Detroit last weekend. When I handed my vehicle keys over, my car had two wipers. I know this because I used them briefly during my trek through the ghetto to the club. (Or maybe, because I'm just a stripper, I don't know how to count to two?)

I was one of the last ones to leave at the end of the night, so valet just handed me my keys instead of pulling my car up. I got about a mile down Eight Mile and used my wipers to clean my windshield only to discover the driver's side wiper blade was gone. It had been completely broken off. I was so mad and appalled! I almost called the police and considered contacting the news, but figured I should talk to valet first. I barely slept because all I could think about was how badly valet had fucked up!

The next day, I mentioned it to the valet manager. He asked if I had inspected my car before leaving. Obviously, I didn't. And I know most people don't do a full inspection either - so don't be hypocritical and judge me. Anyway, he didn't apologize because that would have been accepting responsibility, but instead gave me $10 back so I could get a new wiper blade and promised me free valet parking for that shift and my next one.

I'm writing this because I took a lesson from my bestie PussyLicker in complaining about valet on internet forums. As evidenced by him, it is surely the only way mandatory valet will come to an end. Fuck the dram shop law in Michigan that makes valet at strip clubs mandatory! I know, with this one solitary complaint, strip club owners will break their business contracts with all outsourced valet companies at their clubs and this will abolish mandatory valet parking once and for all. You're welcome.

/sarcasm