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JohnSmith69?

shadowcat

Atlanta suburb

Dear Deidre

MY girlfriend is lovely but too horny. All she wants to do is talk sexy and touch me up. It’s too much and it’s putting me off her.

I got friendly with this girl who lives nearby when we used to meet in the local shop. She is very pretty with long, dark hair and big brown eyes.

We would laugh and joke as we have the same sense of humour. She is 19, I am 24.

I asked her out on a date and it went well, so we started seeing one another every other night.

On the days we were not meeting, she would constantly send me dirty messages. Sex with her was fabulous and I fell for her big time.

After a few weeks, she was no longer interested in going out and just wanted us to go to bed the minute we met up.

If I managed to persuade her to go for a drink or something first, she would spend all the time touching my privates. It was so embarrassing. She would whisper in my ear what undies she was wearing — or more often what she was not wearing. It just became too full-on.

I was sitting on my own in the canteen when an older divorced colleague came over and asked what was up. She is 47, but looks about 30 and is very beautiful.

We chatted, I poured out my troubles and we arranged to go for a drink after work.

We had a great evening and ended up spending the night together at her house. It was amazing — completely wild — and she is so much more sensuous than my girlfriend. I think about her 24/7.

I am still seeing my girlfriend but I think I am falling out of love with her and in love with my new woman.

My girl will be heartbroken if I end it but I think she can sense I am backing away.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your girl sounds very insecure. She thinks sex is the way to a man’s heart and is pulling out all the stops to keep you interested.

That five-year age gap may be small compared to the 20-plus years between you and your older lover, but the years around turning 20 are a crucial developmental time and it sounds as though your girlfriend just doesn’t hold enough interest for you apart from in bed – and you can’t spend all your time there.

Be honest with your girlfriend. Tell her it’s been great but you’ve realised you’re not right for one another.

Be kind but firm – don’t fudge it so she is left hoping. She will be hurt but it’s better this way than for her to discover you’re cheating on her.

Who knows if your older colleague is right for you either but at least then you will be free to find out. My e-leaflet Do Age-gaps Matter? can help.