Texas Declares War on the USA
>
> <p>Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.</p>
>
>
> `<p>Hello, President Obama,´ a heavily accented southern voice said. `This is Archie, down here at
> Goliad, Texas. I am callin' to tell y´all we are officially declaring´ war on ya!´ </p>
>
>
> <p>`Well, Archie,´ Barack replied, `this is indeed important news!How big is your army?´</p>
>
> `<p>Right now,´ said Archie, after a moments calculation, `there is myself, my cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor, Randy, and the whole dart team from Hooters. That makes eight!´ </p>
>
> <p>Barack paused. `I must tell you Archie I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.´</p>
>
> `<p>Wow,´ said Archie. `I will have to call ya back!´</p>
>
> <p>Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. `Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!´</p>
>
> `<p>And what equipment would that be Archie?´ Barack asked.</p>
>
> `<p>Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry´s John Deere tractor.´</p>
>
> <p>President Obama sighed. `I must tell you Archie, I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. I have also increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke.</p>
>
> `<p>Lord above,´ said Archie, `I will be getting back to ya.´</p>
>
> <p>Sure enough, Archie rang again about twenty minutes later. `President Obama, the war is still on!</p>
>
> <p>We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harolds's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us, as well!´</p>
>
> <p>Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. `I must tell you, Archie, I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites; and, since we last spoke, I have increased my army to TWO MILLION!´ </p>
>
> `<p>Well, rats,´ said Archie, `I have to phone you back.´</p>
>
> <p>Sure enough, Archie phoned again the next day. `President Obama! I am sorry to have to tell you we have had to call off this here war.´</p>
>
> `<p>I am sorry to hear that,´ said Barack. `Why the sudden change of heart?´ </p>
>
> <p>`Well, sir,´ said Archie, ´we have all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a few beers and come to realize there is just no way we can feed two million prisoners.´</p>
>
> <p>Texas confidence cannot be shaken!</p>
> <p>Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.</p>
>
>
> `<p>Hello, President Obama,´ a heavily accented southern voice said. `This is Archie, down here at
> Goliad, Texas. I am callin' to tell y´all we are officially declaring´ war on ya!´ </p>
>
>
> <p>`Well, Archie,´ Barack replied, `this is indeed important news!How big is your army?´</p>
>
> `<p>Right now,´ said Archie, after a moments calculation, `there is myself, my cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor, Randy, and the whole dart team from Hooters. That makes eight!´ </p>
>
> <p>Barack paused. `I must tell you Archie I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.´</p>
>
> `<p>Wow,´ said Archie. `I will have to call ya back!´</p>
>
> <p>Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. `Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!´</p>
>
> `<p>And what equipment would that be Archie?´ Barack asked.</p>
>
> `<p>Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry´s John Deere tractor.´</p>
>
> <p>President Obama sighed. `I must tell you Archie, I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. I have also increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke.</p>
>
> `<p>Lord above,´ said Archie, `I will be getting back to ya.´</p>
>
> <p>Sure enough, Archie rang again about twenty minutes later. `President Obama, the war is still on!</p>
>
> <p>We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harolds's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us, as well!´</p>
>
> <p>Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. `I must tell you, Archie, I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites; and, since we last spoke, I have increased my army to TWO MILLION!´ </p>
>
> `<p>Well, rats,´ said Archie, `I have to phone you back.´</p>
>
> <p>Sure enough, Archie phoned again the next day. `President Obama! I am sorry to have to tell you we have had to call off this here war.´</p>
>
> `<p>I am sorry to hear that,´ said Barack. `Why the sudden change of heart?´ </p>
>
> <p>`Well, sir,´ said Archie, ´we have all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a few beers and come to realize there is just no way we can feed two million prisoners.´</p>
>
> <p>Texas confidence cannot be shaken!</p>
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