DITCH YOUR LACK OF SOCIAL SKILLS AND BECOME A CRIMINAL!

parodyman-->
How can a guy with no social skills to speak of dump his loser image and become a SMOOTH CRIMINAL? Take heart I've got a few thoughts on the subject!


1. Run through a stop sign. (Even if you do not have a car your trusty Schwinn will do. The Rules of the Road apply to bicyclists too!)

2. Obtain a switchblade. (Illegal in most areas. Just make sure you grind the sharp edge down to match your wit.)

3. Get a leather jacket. (In and of itself not a crime but you can score some bad ass points for shoplifting it.)

4. Sell some CRACK on the street corner. (It may be unplesantly painful with out some KY-jelly so dont forget to stop at the drugstore. When you are done... pull up your pants and pat yourself on the back. Male prostitution is a crime.)

5. Steal candy from and beat up small children. (Just make sure you can take them first!)

6. Finance your next strip club field trip by hitting up all of the paperboys in your area for protection money. (Make sure you have completed steps 2 and 3 first. If you look to pussy the paper boys may kick your ass.

I sincerely hope that this will get RL and others like him on the path to Bad Assedness that they seek. I know that when they attain a level of Criminal Noteriety all the strippers will be falling all over themselves trying to give out their REAL NAMES AND PHONE NUMBERS! Now go forth and be a CRIMINAL today.

8 comments

Latest

  • casualguy
    •
    20 years ago
    ...and RL you can even make up stories to make you sound more criminal by talking about your criminal brother and how he was just visiting Mexico for just a day and he got arrested that quick for no good reason at all. RL, you could have a stripper girlfriend sooner than you think. LOL, unless you can't afford more than $5 bail to get out of jail, then you will immediately have a FREE stripper girlfriend by the REAL NAME of BUBBA. lol. ... and I bet you will know her address, being that is your new cell mate, lol.
  • casualguy
    •
    20 years ago
    Just remember RL, you need a record to prove it. If you consider doing anything criminal, please call the police first to report it so that they can arrest you preparing for the criminal activity. Remember to leave your name and address so they know where to look as well. Afterall you can't prove you're a REAL criminal if you never got caught. hmmm, I wonder if the police would arrest you or send you to the loony farm instead?

    Maybe RL you can even get good at making up stories such as how the police have been calling your house saying their going to nail you one of these days.
  • phoenixxxblaque
    •
    20 years ago
    wait a minute....according to rl,DANCERS love CRIMINALS,and all their boyfriends are LAW BREAKING CRIMINALS with CRIMINAL RECORDS,so if you become a CRIMINAL,you could attract a DANCER and become her BOYFRIEND,and then get her REAL NAME,FRIENDSHIPS,EMOTIONS,AND PHONE NUMBER!!!JACKPOT!!!!GO FOR IT RL!
  • Kyle1111
    •
    20 years ago
    Getting ARRESTED earns extra brownie points from strippers. This is especially true when the ARREST is for a good cause like cigarette smoking or robbing a bank. Heck it might even earn a REAL NAME and PHONE NUMBER.

  • casualguy
    •
    20 years ago
    RL a word of warning, some posters may not really be your FRIEND if they post messages about disobeying a NO SMOKING sign. They may really be trying to get you ARRESTED and out of the way. Obviously sending someone to jail is not a FRIENDLY jesture when they are only PRETENDING to be your FRIEND. :) If they don't give you their REAL NAME and PHONE NUMBER, then you know they are not really your FRIEND.
  • casualguy
    •
    20 years ago
    Then RL can be real bad ass by just telling the strippers about his adventures on his bike and the cops don't even bother him because they know better than to stop RL because he is mr bad ass. When a stripper starts asking what kind of motorcycle you ride, change the subject quickly though. Your bicycle may not seem so bad ass, lol. Especially if you go into details like you got so fast that you passed grandma riding down the road on her bike, lol.
  • Kyle1111
    •
    20 years ago
    Hi Parodyman,

    Not bad. :) I think tough guy tattoos even the wash off type are a must for the would be CRIMINAL wannabe. Not only does it give her something to see/read, it shows a willingness to make a commitment. Language too can be a dead giveaway that you're less than CRIMINAL stock (unless you're a lawyer). Avoid words like: aplomb, sympathy, plantonic, commiserate, erudite, laconic, heuristic, insipid, catharsis, dyspeptic, etc. Grunting is good especially with slight head movement. Cigarettes can also be an important weapon in appearing to be a CRIMINAL. Never use an ash tray and remember to blow smoke in the dancer's face (assuming she doesn't appear too tough or have a CRIMINAL boyfriend nearby). Also, NEVER obey a NO SMOKING sign--Doing so not indicates advanced reading skills, but worse a willingness to be obedient. DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Kyle1111
    •
    20 years ago
    Hi Parodyman,

    Not bad. :) I think tough guy tattoos even the wash off type are a must for the would be CRIMINAL wannabe. Not only does it give her something to see/read, it shows a willingness to make a commitment. Language to can be a dead giveaway that you're less than CRIMINAL stock (unless you're a lawyer). Avoid words like: aplomb, sympathy, plantonic, commiserate, erudite, laconic, heuristic, insipid, catharsis, dyspeptic, etc. Grunting is good especially with slight head movement. Cigarettes can also be an important weapon in appearing to be a CRIMINAL. Never use an ash tray and remember to blow smoke in the dancer's face (assuming she doesn't appear too tough or have a CRIMINAL boyfriend nearby). Also, NEVER obey a NO SMOKING sign--Doing so not indicates advanced reading skills, but worse a willingness to be obedient. DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!!!

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