DITCH YOUR LACK OF SOCIAL SKILLS AND BECOME A CRIMINAL!
parodyman-->
How can a guy with no social skills to speak of dump his loser image and become a SMOOTH CRIMINAL? Take heart I've got a few thoughts on the subject!
1. Run through a stop sign. (Even if you do not have a car your trusty Schwinn will do. The Rules of the Road apply to bicyclists too!)
2. Obtain a switchblade. (Illegal in most areas. Just make sure you grind the sharp edge down to match your wit.)
3. Get a leather jacket. (In and of itself not a crime but you can score some bad ass points for shoplifting it.)
4. Sell some CRACK on the street corner. (It may be unplesantly painful with out some KY-jelly so dont forget to stop at the drugstore. When you are done... pull up your pants and pat yourself on the back. Male prostitution is a crime.)
5. Steal candy from and beat up small children. (Just make sure you can take them first!)
6. Finance your next strip club field trip by hitting up all of the paperboys in your area for protection money. (Make sure you have completed steps 2 and 3 first. If you look to pussy the paper boys may kick your ass.
I sincerely hope that this will get RL and others like him on the path to Bad Assedness that they seek. I know that when they attain a level of Criminal Noteriety all the strippers will be falling all over themselves trying to give out their REAL NAMES AND PHONE NUMBERS! Now go forth and be a CRIMINAL today.
1. Run through a stop sign. (Even if you do not have a car your trusty Schwinn will do. The Rules of the Road apply to bicyclists too!)
2. Obtain a switchblade. (Illegal in most areas. Just make sure you grind the sharp edge down to match your wit.)
3. Get a leather jacket. (In and of itself not a crime but you can score some bad ass points for shoplifting it.)
4. Sell some CRACK on the street corner. (It may be unplesantly painful with out some KY-jelly so dont forget to stop at the drugstore. When you are done... pull up your pants and pat yourself on the back. Male prostitution is a crime.)
5. Steal candy from and beat up small children. (Just make sure you can take them first!)
6. Finance your next strip club field trip by hitting up all of the paperboys in your area for protection money. (Make sure you have completed steps 2 and 3 first. If you look to pussy the paper boys may kick your ass.
I sincerely hope that this will get RL and others like him on the path to Bad Assedness that they seek. I know that when they attain a level of Criminal Noteriety all the strippers will be falling all over themselves trying to give out their REAL NAMES AND PHONE NUMBERS! Now go forth and be a CRIMINAL today.
8 comments
Maybe RL you can even get good at making up stories such as how the police have been calling your house saying their going to nail you one of these days.
Not bad. :) I think tough guy tattoos even the wash off type are a must for the would be CRIMINAL wannabe. Not only does it give her something to see/read, it shows a willingness to make a commitment. Language too can be a dead giveaway that you're less than CRIMINAL stock (unless you're a lawyer). Avoid words like: aplomb, sympathy, plantonic, commiserate, erudite, laconic, heuristic, insipid, catharsis, dyspeptic, etc. Grunting is good especially with slight head movement. Cigarettes can also be an important weapon in appearing to be a CRIMINAL. Never use an ash tray and remember to blow smoke in the dancer's face (assuming she doesn't appear too tough or have a CRIMINAL boyfriend nearby). Also, NEVER obey a NO SMOKING sign--Doing so not indicates advanced reading skills, but worse a willingness to be obedient. DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!!!
Not bad. :) I think tough guy tattoos even the wash off type are a must for the would be CRIMINAL wannabe. Not only does it give her something to see/read, it shows a willingness to make a commitment. Language to can be a dead giveaway that you're less than CRIMINAL stock (unless you're a lawyer). Avoid words like: aplomb, sympathy, plantonic, commiserate, erudite, laconic, heuristic, insipid, catharsis, dyspeptic, etc. Grunting is good especially with slight head movement. Cigarettes can also be an important weapon in appearing to be a CRIMINAL. Never use an ash tray and remember to blow smoke in the dancer's face (assuming she doesn't appear too tough or have a CRIMINAL boyfriend nearby). Also, NEVER obey a NO SMOKING sign--Doing so not indicates advanced reading skills, but worse a willingness to be obedient. DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!!!