tuscl

Need advice on a non SC related subject

Jpac73
I know this is a stripclub message board but I think it is good from time to time to talk about other stuff. I know there are some older guys on this board who are not "looking for anyone special" or in the "dating game" anymore but I could appreciate some advice. Well I work at a retail store part-time and naturally I see alot of different women come in and out of my store. Well there is this one girl that I have been wanting to talk to but there are a few reasons why I haven't. First of all, I am black and she is white. I don't have a problem with race but other people might look at it differently. I know that she is open to talking to black men because one of her 2kids is biracial. The thing is that there never seems to be a perfect time to talk to her. I wanted to talk to her today but when I fist saw her she was on her cellphone talking and then when she got off by that time a group of black girls had came over in my area. I wouldn't have felt comfortable trying to talk to her with those black girls around. I know I shouldn't be worried about what other people think but I do. Then one of my friends that works with me doesn't seem to be "down" with interacial dating. There was another time when she was in my dept and I wanted to say something but I didn't want him to catch me talking to her for he would probably ask why I am trying to talk to her? I even saw this girl at the local nightclub this past friday but she was with a couple of her "girlfriends". I never approach a women when she is with someone else only when she is by herself. It just seeks like the "perfect" opportunity will not come for me to talk with her and ask her out. I know that most of it is mainly my fault and that if I have a problem with my friends seeing me trying to talk to her how will I go out with her if we ever dated? I just think she seems like a nice girl but it's just hard for me to shake what people might think or say.

4 comments

  • dennyspade
    •
    19 years ago
    JPac:
    Kudos for even broaching this subject with these guys. You obviously trust some of their opinions.

    As a urbane and mature (over 40) black male, I have seen racism and prejudice first hand in my hometown of Chicago and while travelling the US in sales.

    I, too, have dated a number of women of various hues and places of origin. I have caught stares from the Black women stating that the white women have "taken" our ball playas, musicians, etc.) and from passersby, who coukld never figure that we had a lot in common, and shared our love openly.

    I agree with the others. "Just DO IT !!" Ask her outside the store, by all means. However, it does not mean that you cannot flirt with her in the store or make her laugh or compliment her children. You should never make a customer feel weird, threatened or stalked, while shopping.

    There is some "older wisdom" present on this board, however, never call us OLD MEN. Good luck with your search.
  • Jpac73
    •
    19 years ago
    Actually this is the 1stmessageboard that I have posted anything about this situation. I just thought that sometimes talking about SC's only can get a little stale. I figured that we would like to here about something different even if it's a personal situation. I know what I must do. Those blackgirls whether it be customers or other employees haven't shown that they are interested in me so I shouldn't give a Dam'n what they think. I also wanted to clarify that the guy I work with Brandon isn't prejudice it's just that he pokes fun at some of the blackguys who are with Whitegirls that aren't attractive or are not "fine." This girl isn't ugly, she is kind of cute actually but she is just on the skinny side which he probably wouldn't think too much of her. If she was so called "fine" then he would give me "props" for trying to talk to her but since she is skinny he would probably be wondering why I am wasting my time with her. Again I just have to look myself in the mirror and tell myself it's about what I want.
  • SuperDude
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    19 years ago
    Why do you care what others think about who you choose to like or talk to? This applies accross the board to male, female, black or white. They do not control the choices you make in life. Anyone who disapproves is not and should not be your friend. The only concern you might have is asking her out when you see her in the store as a customer. If she is offended or feels that her "private space" as a shopper has been invaded, she might complain to management and you would be history. Outside of the store is OK and be ready for some ugly looks. So what? If someone wants to get physical about it---and that can still happen--then be ready. Please take this issue to Oprah or another board to get better advice.
  • chitownlawyer
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    19 years ago
    Jpac, the perfect time will never come. You need to promise yourself that the next time you see her under any reasonable circumstances, (like, she's not bleeding to death, or under the gun at that moment from management) you will approach her and ask her to go out with you under some very safe circumstances.

    The fact she has bi-racial kids shows that she is open to more than "talking" to black guys.

    Anyone who has a problem with bi-racial dating/whatever in 2005 needs to enter at least the 20th century. This is the year that Seal and Heidi Klum got married, remember?

    You have to have the discipline to make yourself go for it. You are vastly overthinking the situation (as illustrated by the fact that you are posting here....if you have posted here, I can't imagine the number and extent of other circumstances/venues/forums in which you have agonized/emoted about this).
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