Clubbing & confidence

I started going to clubs in my early 20’s, and I’m currently 30. It was after a break up and if I’m being honest, my luck with women (not in clubs) was not that great. I was a bit shy and awkward, and I kinda just felt lucky with the other girlfriends I’ve had before. Basically, random girls with mutuals on Facebook or instagram would add/follow me, we’d talk there, and meet if there was a vibe. I generally was not one to approach girls in public, and did not have a whole lot of experience with “real world mingling.” At least with women I wasn’t sure if they were already attracted to me.

I was 22 after the breakup that lead to me visiting the clubs. A few weeks had passed and my buddies insisted on going to one. I said no at first but that changed after a small amount of peer pressure. We got to the club, tits were out and asses were shaking. Things seemed fine and dandy.

We got drinks and my friends started slowly disappearing, going upstairs to get dances. I saw them walk away with dancers and I had no idea where they were going, or what they were doing. They didn’t really tell me much info other than how much money I should bring and what to wear.

After some time, this lovely black dancer approached me. She was very sweet but I had no idea what to do. I was oblivious to how strip clubs worked and we ended up talking for like 15 minutes. She ended up asking me if I was interested in dances, and I ended up getting some eventually. During that 15 minutes, we just discussed things like interests and hobbies. It also made me realize how bad my game with women was.

I was thinking to myself “Wow, I have no idea how to talk to women in the wild.” The night went on and there was one more dancer I got some dances from. It went slightly more smoothly (being approached) but I could not help but think how I had to work on that.

I didn’t really go out of my way to talk to women in public still, and my buddies and I turned going to the club as an option for some fun nights. As we started going somewhat regularly (3-5x/year) and it went a little more smoothly each time. Easier said than done but it happened, slowly but surely.

Over the next couple of years, we branched out a little. We went to different clubs in our state, some out of state, some “clean dance” clubs, some extra clubs, dead nights, eventful nights, and so on. Within the span of about 5 club visits, I felt significantly more confident when being approached.

I originally thought “I guess I only got good at talking to dancers because I’ve been here a bit.” Not that I was wrong but I didn’t really think of the possibility of that skill transitioning over to more “real world” based situations. There were nights where we’d go to typical clubs (not for stripping).

As we would go there, I caught myself approaching women and talking to them without stress or anxiety running through my blood. There were instances of exchanging numbers/socials, dates, and so on. It got to the point where I felt like I “graduated from the strip club.” I just didn’t expect strip club visits to eventually give me skills for real world dates.

Over the years, I’ve slowed down with club visits. I usually do 1-3x club visits/year now. I usually prefer going alone but a night out with the boys is still fun when the stars align.

I haven’t brought this up with the guys, but I’ve never heard them bring up feeling more confident in the “real world,” because of the strip club. Not to say that’s not the case, but I have not heard it brought up at all between them. And I usually don’t when discussing clubs with other guys. I can’t blame them though - naked ladies can make it difficult to pay attention to other things.

I don’t really go out and socialize like I used to, but if I met someone that was comfortable enough admitting they’re not confident about talking to women, my advice would be “Do some strip club visits.” A lot of guys, especially younger guys, tend to have anxiety/fear when it comes to being around pretty women. I think strip clubs can be used as a great tool for curbing these sorta feelings.

Obviously, it can be a double-edged sword and can bite you. Practice good club etiquette and club responsibly. Is it the ultimate answer to battling anxiety with women? Probably not but I believe it’s better practice than people give it credit for. I honestly believe that I wouldn’t have had some lucky experiences outside of the club if it weren’t for the experiences I’ve had inside them.