Rockin' in Philadelphia

Philadelphia. 1776. Independence Hall. The Liberty Bell. Signing of the Declaration of Independence. Richard Gere, Kobe Bryant, Grace Kelly, Bob Saget, Will Smith, Kevin Hart, Linda Fiorentino, Joey Bishop, Kevin Bacon, Teddy Pendergrass, Hall and Oates, Boyz II Men, Benjamin Franklin, Rocky Balboa. All sorts of good shit coming out of here. (And then also you got Bill Cosby, you take that one and decide what you want to do with it. For the record, I still like the Cosby Show.)
Philly and NYC are not that far from each other so for me although it's somewhat of a pain in the ass to come down here, I'm here a good amount time, whether it be for tourist shit, sugar babies, strippers, cheesesteaks whatever. I still consider it a local option for me and I basically bring my ass down here, drive/walk/run around pretend I'm Rocky listening to Hall & Oates and eating cheesesteaks to the point of explosive diarrhea. I know what your thinking, that's gay as fuck but leave me be, I'm just on my Rocky Balboa bullshit. Not for nothing, I always thought Philadelphia was an underrated city, it feels like a really old city which it is, all these row houses, a lot of great street artwork, tight streets in general, although that which make in parts of the city have one of the worst parking situations in America. I feel bad for those that have a car and live in South Philadelphia, it just looks like one big shit show.


Anyway I came into Philly with only experience at three clubs prior, Delilah's, Risque Philadelphia, and Cheerleaders. That seemed to be the best ones based on reviews and what I was looking for. Well I walked away still sort of thinking the same thing but with a few surprises in there and some stuff worth more looks down the road. Now it's not every club but it's a lot of clubs in the area. The North Philly clubs, yeah fuck that shit. One other thing to note, while Chicago gets all the media hype for being a fucked up warzone, Philadelphia is right there with it, setting it's murder record in 2021. Not a year in the 80's or 90's but just last year in an already historically rough city. Just watch out for stuff, a lot nonsense going on recently, wild wild west shit. For extra credit fun, take a google maps or even in person tour of Kensington. This stuff below is just a quick, drive by 2 hour stop type clubbing, not a masterclass in the least bit. But just a set of eyes and ears in these strip clubs and all visits in the last couple months so lets shit this out now. Now I'm only a monthly visitor or so, the philly regulars like 59, Studme, ThatXGuy, bigman, chimera, tincan etc. the list goes on, some have been in and out of these strip clubs for decades so I defer to those dudes on anything I might not be seeing or be off on. With out further ado, lets get to it, check back with some of the strip clubs here post covid just so we don't fall out of touch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D00M2KZH…


Suburbs...


Double Visions in Horsham- Right across from Willow Grove Naval Air Station. Safe area. No cover. Rectangle bar, stage inside. Tip parade on inside. Mostly white girls here, tatooed punk rock kind of type. Ok line up nothing great. Lap dance's are downstairs $20 a song. Low mileage spot. Weekends way more customers than dancers. Tough to get a seat. A lot of girl customers here I noticed. Mostly a group hang out, neighborhood kind of spot, I don't think it's the sort of place for serious mongers, and almost like the strip club aspect is background noise.


Just Enuff in King of Prussia- Not far from King of Prussia Mall. $20 cover/Free military. Id scan. Small spot. On a back road. Basically a house. Tip parade, girls make rounds on outside. Arrow shaped bar with stage on the tip of that arrow. Mix of white/black customers. A lot of people standing here, weekend night. Small line up, ok talent with a couple home runs in there. White/black/mixed/latina. Mostly younger dancers. Dances upstairs $35 a song. Cameras in open door rooms. Sign with no touching on it. Low mileage spot. That's overpriced, your supposed to come out the suburbs for a better deal.


19th Hole Lounge in Glenside- Near some country clubs, quiet suburban area just north of north Philly. $5 cover. Going in I was expecting something a little more upscale, maybe caters to the golf crowd but no this spot is more of a dive. They got some video games/pinball machine stuff in there, pool tables. Customers mostly black. Dancers all black when I went, talent nothing special really. Stage inside bar, Tip parade girls go on the outside. Dances are $30 for 4 minutes in a community booth room and VIP is $125 for 15 minutes in rooms with doors. It seems like it could be good mileage to be had. Not a lot going on here to make me want to trek those miles though.


Baby Dolls in Spring City- Not unlike Just Enuff where it's basically just a house in a quiet suburban area. $10 cover, empty pockets, clear mag. Although walk in it feels more like a normal club. Square bar, stage inside tip parade on outside. Lap dances $20 topless $40 nude. Nude dances get a door on the room, but still have cameras. King's room come with alcohol and it's $350 for 30 minutes. Has it's own stage inside. Low mileage spot. Talent on my one visit I saw one all star dancing but other than that nothing to write home about but girls mostly younger though. More just neighborhood type spot not drive 40 minutes from Center City kind of thing.


Tattletales in Levittown- Suburban area, commercial strip. $10 cover, pat down. Rectangle bar, stage inside, two poles. Tip parade on outside, can get incessant. All the girls ask for one tip in the bra and one on the ass. One's good enough for me. Lineup wise I would say there are a good chunk of older dancers/rough looking dancers in the line up but a couple gems in there. Overall talent not good though. But lineup is big enough where you might find something seems like a popular spot. All ethincities but mostly white and latina. Customers all ethnicities. Dances are $25 on open couches and VIP is $150 for 15 minutes in couches behind some curtains. Low mileage spot.


Club Risque in Bristol- Suburban area on commercial strip. Weekend night, Cover $10, free military. Empty pockets, clear mag. Rectangle bar, stage inside and oddly dressing room up spiral staircase from stage. Tip parade, goes on inside AND outside. Customers all ethnicities. Dancers like Tattletales a lot of older dancers mixed with younger girls. Big lineups though so you should be able to find something. All ethnicities white/black/mixed/latina/asian. I saw a couple stunners but looking big picture sort of averages out to average. Dances are $20 in a community booth room, decent two way. VIP is upstairs $200 for 30 minutes comes with free drinks too. You know some of dancers kept talking it up in there, maybe they were selling dreams but I think this sounds like it might be one few spots for high mileage in suburbs. A few clubs closed down in the immediate area the last few years so it might have an effect on here and Tattletales.


Lou Turks in Essington- Right near the airport. Suburban area. $20 cover/free military. Empty pockets/clear mag. Place has been here for decades. I went in thinking this would be kind of old school neighborhood bar spot and apparently at one time it was but now it's almost like an upscale, party night club feel to it. Girls will just be dancing on the main floor in groups cause I guess there just in that mood. Biggest lineup outside the city definitely. Girls mostly white and black with some latina. Customers demo matches that. Dancer talent I would say was solid but not much more than that. Multiple bars and stages. Low mileage spot though. Lap dances in community couch area, $35 a song, 3 for $100. VIP I believe is monitored $220 for 30 minutes. Ultimately those dances are overpriced but there enough going on here with these big lineups where it's certainly worth at least popping in.


Philly proper...


Daydreams in the Northeast- It's in like a warehouse section along the Delaware. This place looks like it's from like a final showdown in a 90's Jean Claude Van Damme movie. Plenty of parking. Pat down, walk in cover $10, $5 for military. This is the rare full nude with alcohol. I'm not a lawyer on the up and up with Philly regulations but I guess that's ok here. Runway stage on left and the girls take lap inside the stage moat. Bar on right. Lap dance area is a really bright community dance room on fancy chairs and a guy sitting inside by the entrance. Not a great setup. You can touch but nothing crazy. $20 a song. VIP looks like it's in Janitor closets just past the bar, cameras in there. $90 for 15 minutes. Girls all types of ethnicities I would say talent not bad, not great but not bad. Customers, younger, black and white.


Purple Orchid in Elmwood Park- Plenty of parking, shares a lot with a billiard hall. Walk in, pat down, cover $5. Sqaure bar, stage inside. Girls walk outside of bar for tips and more than willing to grind. Dancers all black. Anytime any club is purple anything, dead give away. Talent, for a super high mileage free for all spot not bad I would say talent average here, nothing great though. Sin City across is worlds better in that department. Girls here tend to be on the curvier side. Communal dance rooms $20 and Private dance rooms $30 both near the front. Anything can happen in both. To quote bigman226 "PO is a bargain at twice the price" I think that's something think about and after hearing some number it sounded like inflation didn't touch this joint at all. Customers, white and black.


Oasis in Eastwick- Just down the road from Purple Orchid and Sin City. Empty pockets, clear mag. Cover $5, Weekend night $20 and free military. This place was just dead when I went aside from three dancers so I don't have a great feel for whatever the lineup is but the three girls I saw there were ok. 6's and 7's. Two white girls and one black girl, not a ton to go off of. One long rectangle bar with stage inside, tip parade on outside. One thing this spot does sound like there could be some good mileage in VIP. LD are $20 in communal area and VIP is $160 with two free drinks, it's in curtained booths.


Penn's Port Pub in South Philly- Old school, throwback kind of bar. Cheap beer, bartender looks like he's been working there for decades. Small spot, cheap beer. Crowd mostly white, sports fan types. Right across from Show and Tel. Small lineups, only three girls when I went, girls dance on a little stage inside the bar and then literally walk on the bar and over you drink during their tip parade. No dances, so I don't know what else there is to do but watch. Seems like more of a pregame spot to me. Closes early, usually no later than midnight. Talent nothing special when I went.


Show and Tel in South Philly- Only open Friday and Saturday night. Also an adult store attached. Big bar, stage inside, tip parade inside. Again the rare full nude plus alcohol. Girls all ethnicities, talent just ok, 20 dancers or so. Crowd, white, black, middle eastern/indian guys. Lap dances are $25 a song, $60 for 12 minutes. Based on a recent review by pedrome30 it sounds like there could be some mileage here. They end the dances with a phone call in the booth.


Buck's Cabaret in South Philly- Just past under the Walt Whitman Bridge. Used to be Onyx, and it's still a black club. Weekend night $20 cover, good search here, full pat down, empty pockets, clear mag. It seems like they built the church for easter sunday here, where's the whole first part of the club was not in use just the back area. I went on a Friday night and it wasn't really rocking and rolling so I'm sure during the week it's likely dead as fuck. Crowd mostly black. Anyway this club is a REALLY big booty black girl kind of joint, one notch more on the scale than sin city I would say. One notch more than my liking. Talent just alright unless this is your thing, BUT the waitresses there, almost as many of those as they are dancers were some REALLY hot black girls in my opinion. I personally hate that shit where's the stuff you want to have fun with ain't for sale. Other than that, nice club physically though. Lap dances are $30 and VIP is $150 for 15 minutes and $300 for 30 minutes. This is more of make it rain type spot but I just don't know about VIP. I didn't hear anything that would make me think it's awesome time though.


Sin City in Eastwick- Right across from Purple Orchid. Be advised they got a dress code, no hoodies. Good search here. Physically, this probably the nicest club in Philly, really big warehouse sized, high celling, luxurious vibe, all types of LED stuff going on. More normal set up, Main stage with tables and seating all around. Some sattelite stages too. No tip parade here. Crowd mostly black, mostly people in groups. A lot of staff here. Talent wise, if you like thick girls with big asses, lineup that skews black/latina, sometimes I definitely am in that mood, you cannot count this place out when talking about the top talent in the city. If that's your thing, this place is No. #1 hands down. I get Delilah's can have a handful of pretty girls, but no club other club around has the butts you see here. Now this is more a make it rain type spot, rappers, athletes I'm sure are all up in this bitch some nights and that's definitely a negative, I don't think it's a mileage joint either. A lot of air dancing and booty shaking on the floor. LD is $20 wristband to have access to community couch room and $30 dances there after. Champagne room is $500 for 30 minutes. When I went there must've been a group of celebrities that I didn't recognize or just a group of high rollers going wild but I was getting ignored hard here as strippers kept running to the back of the club, it ain't really a solitary monger kind of spot. I have not gone during the week though when it's a little slower but as far as OTC, at least the talent is definitely here for it.


Gold Club in Center City- The only club in Center City, so maybe if your there without a car, might be the easiest option. The GPS might say it's on broad street (apparently this is a common thing) but no you go around on 15th street and hook a right down chancellor street. There's no big signs and it just looks like some random ass back alley where they would film some 80's Janet Jackson choreographed music video with the steam coming up from the grates and all that shit. Anyway cover is $10. Very intimate club. Small stage with seating all around girls come to you for tip parade. Lap dances are $40 for 4 minutes on benches in the back and $150 for 15 minutes in curtained booths. Sounds like a place for good mileage in VIP, they leave you alone. Dancers small lineup, mostly white/black/latina. All shapes and ages. Looks wise though nothing that made want to go get $40 dollar dances with or try VIP. Honestly a comfortable spot though, tv's all around, comfy chairs, nice club not divey at all. Outside there maybe a drunk passed homeless guy or maybe a dude asking for beer money but it ain't in an unsafe part of town.


Cheerleaders in South Philly- Not far from the stadiums at all and right by the original Tony Luke's. Cover $10, free military. One big bar area stage inside and sattelite stages outside, tip parade girls go outside. Customers all types, all ages. Lap dance area in booth community dance room, bouncer at a table near the door of the room where you pay. Most booths, he can't really see you unless you poke your head up. Mileage decent two way can't get that crazy in there though. VIP is $160 for 15 minutes and $310 for 30 minutes. Cameras are in there. Maybe they're full of shit but the dancers make it sound like it could still be good despite the cameras. Bigger lineups here, weekends it's gets so packed. Ethnicities skews white but you can find anything here. Talent is good I think, I can usually find something I like. One of the better options in Philly.



Delilah's in Old City- Right under I-95. ID check, cover $20 weekend nights and $10 weekday night. Free military. In old city so it's near all the touristy, revolution era stuff, liberty bell, independence hall all that shit, so if your staying in that area and don't have wheels, might be a real easy spot to get to. Upscale club, and historically considered the best talent in the Philadelphia area. Customers all types, a lot older guys here though, holding down the bars. The top end is as good as your gonna find in the Philly area, but just know they aren't all winners. All ethnicities found here. There's like handful where you like DAMN and the rest are just decent. Still a good lineup don't get me wrong. My one beef I don't think the lineups are big enough, I love for it to be more like Risque Philly or Cheerleaders in that regard, it's not a SMALL line up but I just think it could be bigger. This problem kind rears it head on weekend nights where the customer/dancer ratio is out of whack. On a saturday night you got a really be proactive to get anything going on, because nobody is coming up to you. The top girls are locked DOWN. Weeknights gets a lot better though from that standpoint. Lap dances are $20 in either two different community couch rooms, with windows to the rest of the club and open door so staff can pop their head in whenever, decent two way there but nothing crazy. There's 2nd tier option upstairs, it's like $300 for 30 minutes not great mileage there though either I'm told. I recently took the ROB tour of the top VIP option area. It's a stupid hustle move but it was really good from an educational standpoint of seeing how VIP was set up. It's $400 for 30 minutes and a bottle of champagne. It's really just community couch room but the individual couches have their own curtains. No cameras, so I'm not convinced that Delilah's is necessarily a low mileage option all the way. If you told me something crazy I might actually believe it maybe after seeing the set up. I did not think this way going in, I thought low mileage all the way here. Any way to me still one of my go to options in the City for poking my head in because the top of the lineup I do really like here.



Club Risque Philadelphia in South Philly- Right on Christopher Columbus Blvd. Cover $20 weekend nights, free military. Walk through mag. One big triangle bar, stage inside. Satellite stages as well. Tip parade girls come to you on the outside. Customers mostly white, all ages. Lap dance area is well lit, community booth area $20 a song. Decent two way but not much more than that. VIP is $250 for 30 minutes. Nothing crazy mileage wise at this spot. One thing that does stand out, I'll be honest I'm trying to think of a strip club I've been to where they trot out this many white girls. The other ethnicities are there some black, latina, asian but it's 90% white girls which is rare thing to see in a cosmopolitan city in America. So big lineups, maybe weekends 50+ girls. For me that's the kind of thing I like personally, instead of club hopping, to 50 million fucking clubs filled with 6 girls, lets hit one club with 60 girls working and I'll find something. Now one thing I notice at this place I usually don't find any knockouts, but most of the lineup is really solid, your not going to see a lot of ugly girls here. Most in the good range. So talent I would say is good, top to bottom it's one of the top options in the area no question about it. There's also a black dude bathroom attendant here, that doesn't seem like he's got a whole lot of years left but as a quirk he plays all this 70's disco music in bathroom, not for nothing it always beats out what playing in the club, makes you want to move and groove while your taking a dump.


Notes...


-As you make your way down the turnpike, from the NYC orbit to the Philly orbit the dominance of latina dancer really fades away and it mostly goes to white and/or black majorities in clubs.


-I notice it in some of the white girls, there might be a drug problem with some of strippers going around the area, I know, I know not new phenomenon in the stripper world but whatever drug this is, is like an ugly pill. If your 25, you should not be looking like Skeletor. That's probably meth I'm guessing but that's something that was noticeable in a few of the girls. Not all obviously just a select handful here and there. Hard not to notice.


-Although not one of the best areas for strip clubs, The Philadelphia area is definitely not the worst. One thing you can say about the big cities at least there are a lot of options, your not held hostage by one club or one raid like some other towns out there.


-I usually come down to Philly with the big three of Risque Philadelphia (there are three, the one in south philly), Delilah's and Cheerleaders. These are good clubs for me because they trot out the bigger lineups, so it really expands your chances of finding something good. And while not out of this world talent, it's solid as hell. Now after this scouting trip, I still think that predominantly but I got to think about Sin City if I'm looking for hot girls, you cannot discount that place, and as far as I'm concerned for big booty, thick girl urban clubs, that's the best I've seen in the Northern states when it comes to the roster. Also while low mileage, Lou Turks got a lot of girls working there, to make it at least interesting despite being a low mileage joint.


-For my NJ/PA guys and I say this with love. But we need an intervention with this love for WaWa gas station thing. The next time your out there traveling the country bragging about how awesome said WaWa is just remember nobody gives a shit about you or your favorite shitty fucking gas station. Now just wait 'till y'all see a Buckee's! Then that's REALLY the time to whip it out and jerk it till kingdom come again!


-I didn't hit the dives in the hood during this scouting mission. Not only do I want to not deal with the 2amer bullshit but also really at the end of the day it just ain't my thing. I'd rather just get the LDK from the 9 than get a discount BJ from a 5. I know I differ from a lot of TUSCL in that regard. Just let me wallow in my standards, alright. Clubs I didn't hit on this go around Club Risque Northeast (for the record a lot of strippers I talked to say don't go here way too ghetto and roll their eyes but then again that might mean the club is fucking awesome/total jackpot so take that for what you will...), Level's, Picadilly club, Set it Off, Sabel's, La Pearl/Outerspace. Again not only not my thing but I also have better shit to do than to be hanging out with a fat ass wallet in North Philadelphia (aka one of the roughest hoods in America) at 1am. Y'all got all that shit. Y'all take it from here. Hold that down for me.


-Of the clubs I did hit up above, for mileage it looks like Purple Orchid, Oasis, Gold Club, 19th Hole, Risque Bristol might be ones to check out.


-Talent wise, like I said I believe Delilah's, Sin City, Cheerleaders and Risque Philadelphia are the top options for the area.


-Overall I wasn't too big a fan of the suburban clubs, I would probably direct you to the city. Only exception maybe I would say is Risque Bristol, maybe Lou Turks too.


-Food wise, Philly is a great food city. The bread really is the key here around here. And also it's more than just cheesesteaks, but I got to admit I do love cheesesteaks though, ultimate drunk, late night food. Daytime I'll try anywhere, even random delis make some great ones. But after the clubs close is usually when I go so I'm limited to the ones open real late, and some even 24/7 (I’m pretty much strictly a night monger) Pat's and Geno's are the really well known spots that are open (although they get hate as tourist traps, I still thing somebody from out of town will like it. The lines on a weekend night though, hell no.) but one spot I personally like is Philips in South Philadelphia, 24/7 as well. Great hot peppers there. I'll usually go whiz with onions or American with onions plus the hot peppers. I got a thing for the vinegar fries too, underrated combo. Whatever choices you make, you will not be shitting out anything remotely solid thereafter.


-One of my favorite neighborhoods anywhere is the Italian market on 9th street. Anywhere where us guineas are at you know your eating good, no doubt about it.


-If I'm cruising in Long Island I'm going Billy Joel. Jersey? Springsteen, easy. I'm down in Philly? It's Hall and Oates all day, hands down. That's just the way I roll son. Hall and Oates (Philly area natives and both met at Temple) used to rule MTV back in the day. I don't think people realize how many hits they have, they are one of those few acts you see live where you would know every song they play for 2 hours straight. White suit struttin' music fuckin' A.


Now anyway good little run taking a deep dive on the Philadelphia area, overall great time checking out new clubs and seeing what's new at some old ones. Feel free to tell me where I'm off, wrong, pick it apart, do what you got to do. In the meantime, I gotta go. I just got this strange urge to sprint to the Philadelphia Museum of Art....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SUzcDUE…

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