2013: A Year of Firsts

1/6/2014 12:00:00 AM

As a new year of strip clubbing begins, it seems appropriate to reminisce about the year that has just ended. I visited my first strip club in the 1970s and a few more in the 1980s, but my clubbing didn't begin in earnest until about 20 years ago. During the past year, with greater disposable income and excellent advice from TUSCL, I have taken the hobby to a new level. Some firsts or notable incidents of 2013 include:

1. First table HJ: Like any veteran clubber, I've had lots of HJs during private dances, but in January a stripper at a mid-level club in Austin stroked me to completion under the table. This unsolicited attention did change my plans for the afternoon -- I tipped her $20 and left the club instead of getting lap dances. At my age, once in the afternoon and (maybe) once at night is all she wrote.

2. First "stage job": A couple of weeks later I was at another mid-level club, this time in Indianapolis, where many dancers on stage have a delightful habit of allowing ample ass and even tit fondling from us PLs in pervert's row. Some of them carry this laudable custom a step further by climbing off the stage and onto your lap for a mini-lapper. In this instance, a stripper's stageside ministrations were sufficient to get me off. As in the previous incident, I discreetly tipped her $20 and left the club earlier than anticipated, feeling a bit like Jim in "American Pie". In my defense, I was already aroused from a couple of private dances, so *something* was going to make me bust a nut.

3. First use of Liquid Lapdance: In March I bought a three-pack of this bizarre-looking underwear with a built-in latex pouch to contain (and lubricate) one's package. (See www.liquidlapdance.com ) Since then I've used this product dozens of times with a success rate of nearly 100%. If you live far from the Shangri-Las of Shenanigans -- Providence, S. Florida, Detroit, East St. Louis, and City of Industry, for example -- a nice JIP after a few lap dances is usually the best ending you can hope for, and Liquid Lapdance makes this almost a guarantee.

4. First HE in Missouri: A few years ago the Missouri state legislature passed restrictions on nude and topless dancing. The situation was so dire that TUSCL early in 2013 didn't even have a list of "best" strip clubs as it does for most other states. Well, I'm not from Missouri, but they had to *show me" whether things were as grim as they appeared. Based on a road trip in May, during which I got private dances at both clubs in Columbia, it is my pleasure to report that topless dancing is alive and well in Missouri. In fact, some dancers at one of these clubs allowed titty touching on stage and one young lovely provided a good grind with HE in the private dance area.

5. First HE in Wisconsin: On another road trip last spring I visited all three clubs in Walworth County, which includes the towns of Delavan, Darien, and Lake Geneva. Rumor had it that the county council had banned nude dancing, but here again I am happy to report that one of the three clubs was apparently grandfathered in, with all of the strippers getting naked at least briefly during their last dance on stage. Furthermore, the most attractive of the six dancers that night gave me such an enthusiastic lap dance that the desired HE was achieved.

6. First BBBJCIM: On a visit to NE Ohio in July I received the first BBBJCIM of my 20-year clubbing career. All I had to do was ask! The dancer was quite attractive (though the club was certainly a dive) and the cost was under $100. Since then I've repeated the experience in the Detroit and East St. Louis areas.

7. First CBJ: On a trip to SE Michigan in August I received the first CBJ of my entire life. Once again the dancer was very attractive, the club was a dive, and the price was less than $100. I've repeated this pleasure, too, in East St. Louis and Indianapolis.

8. First BBBJCOT: On yet another road trip to East St. Louis in December I enjoyed my first-ever BBBJ with COT. The same dancer had turned down a BBBJ and provided only a CBJ on my previous visit; maybe she can be cajoled into a BBBJCIM next time!

9. First year with HEs in >20 clubs: Historically my clubbing was almost entirely at two clubs in Indiana and Illinois. In recent years I've expanded my range to around a dozen SCs that I visit at least a few times a year, and in 2013 I enjoyed HEs in two dozen clubs in seven states. This leads to . . .

10. First year with HEs in >5 states: Until 2009 essentially all of my strip clubbing took place in Illinois and Indiana. Since then I have added the neighboring states of Missouri, Iowa, Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, and Kentucky plus Texas. During 2013, SC visits ended happily in all of these states except Iowa and Kentucky, to which my wanderlust (and stripper lust) didn't happen to take me.

To all my fellow TUSCLers I wish a Happy New Year of safe and enjoyable clubbing!