In my five years as a...

In my five years as a member of this illustrious website, Amber’s Cabaret has been the hardest club to write a review about. I have been so torn up about this club that it’s taken me two weeks to write this. During my night there, a good thing would happen to me, and then a bad thing would happen to me, and then a great thing and then a terrible thing. I have never been more confused about what I got and how I feel about a club than I am about Amber’s. I should’ve known my night was going to be a weird one after I got propositioned by some swingers that afternoon.

Let me explain: I spent the day watching the Browns beat the Jaguars at this bar. I strike up a conversation with a couple. We leave the bar and the woman of this couple invites me over to their house. Where she’s going to throw a party, one in which I’m not sure she arranged until after she met me. Where there is a hot tub and all the people invited usually sit in there naked, she says. And where she calls up a friend and specifically asks for cherries for some damn reason. I freak out – not because I’m scared, but because one half of me wants to go to their place and see if I leave the party a man, if you know what I mean. But the scared half of me wins out, and instead I say that I have plans. What I don’t tell her is that my sanctuary is a strip club I’ve never been to, Amber’s Cabaret. Unfortunately, instead of predictable and satisfying, my night became a lot more surreal.

Amber’s is located across the street from a Shell gas station. You enter through a double-door system; in-between a guy takes your cover (sorry, forgot how much it was, but I went on a Sunday night) through a box office/security window. This guy was South Asian and not in a great mood, which gave me kind of an insight into what was in store. The bouncer checking for ID surprises you after you open the second door to the club, which is lit in neon purple. The stage is rectangular and in the round. Across from it is the long bar. And kitty-corner from the entrance is the lap dance area. Aside from that area, consider the club to be one big room.