The Crazy Horse is a fully...

The Crazy Horse is a fully nude independent San Francisco strip club located at 980 Market Street. This is where Market Street starts to get sketchy, there's a lot of homeless people around and a few drug dealers; both of whom may proposition you as you head for the club. You can park on some of the surrounding streets however parking is extremely difficult to find early and subject to frequent tow-away times for street cleaning late and I don't feel comfortable leaving my car close by. There are several parking lots fairly nearby the nicest of which is the Union Square lot which is open until the club closes and is in a much, much nicer neighborhood, despite only being five blocks away. There's a BART station nearby but it closes significantly earlier than the club does. The club charges a cover fee of up to $30 which, via invisible stamp, is good for the rest of the day if you want to leave and return later. The club does not serve alcohol (fully nude clubs aren't allowed to), and refreshments are limited to what's in the vending machine. Despite the dodgy neighborhood I've never seen any trouble whatsoever at the club - it feels safe.

Inside the club there is only one stage, a small lap dance area and about sixteen curtained booths for private lap dances. The booths are small with a not too comfortable bench for the customer and a chair for the girl. The stage is fairly large and is ‘T' shaped with two poles on the crossbar and rows of cinema style seating facing the sides and bottom of the stalk of the T. The poles generally see little action as the seats don't face them, or are so far away if they do that you wouldn't see much. The seating is cramped and getting to the front row involves either hopping over rows of seats or working your way past seated customers with little leg room. The club itself is somewhat dingy but from wear and age rather than grossness. Light levels are decent, sound is fine and DJ chatter largely limited to introducing and ending sets.

Stage dances typically last for three songs with a fair break between sets. Generally speaking for the first song the girl is in a bikini, for the second song she's topless and for the third she's nude. What happens in each dance seems to be up to the girl involved. Some will stay up on the stage, most will interact with the audience - bouncing on laps, rubbing breasts in faces, encouraging brief breast holding. In other words the dances are focused on seeing naked women, not on choreographed routines or burlesque stripping. Most of the sets involve one girl, with a sprinkling of two girls and occasionally a three girl set. Multiple girl sets are mostly comprised of the girls each picking a different part of the stage and playing to it rather than interacting with each other. Girls in the audience, especially the front row, can get pulled on to stage (as can bachelors and birthday boys). Occasionally there will be a ‘special feature' and those tend to be more adventurous - an actual strip tease, perhaps a paddling pool with soapy water or a dildo with penetration… People sitting in the front row generally tip a few dollars each set but tipping pressure is low.