sinclair's Review

I went to The Woods Cabaret at 18:30 on a Thursday. The strip club was dead, and the guy at the door said there probably would be no dancers working until after 21:00. I came back later that evening at 22:30, and while still somewhat early, there were dancers and action. There was a $20 cover charge, and I got wanded by a handheld metal detector. There is a ten-stool bar on the right as you enter. Sincweisers were $5. Across the room against the far wall is a rectangular main stage. There is a secondary stage, which is a square island, in the middle of the room. The main stage was constantly in use with dancers doing two song stage sets. The secondary stage was not used other than for dancers to practice or warm up. Both stages had sixteen foot tall poles. Neither stage has chairs surrounding it for tippers, so you must walk up and stand if you are going to tip the dancer on stage. The tables had white tablecloths and were surrounded by brown leather barrel chairs. The vestibule between the entrance and the bar area has display cases full of stilettos for the dancers to buy. The ATM had a $300 maximum withdrawal and charged a $5 fee. The Woods Cabaret will play some rock, pop, R&B, and hip hop in addition to the reggaeton that is commonplace at every strip club in the area. At least there is variety here versus hours straight of Bad Bunny, J Balvin, and Rauw Alejandro.

I counted fourteen dancers working. Dancers were typical for the Rio Grande Valley. They are almost exclusively Mexican or Mexican-American. Some clearly speak Spanish as a first language and don’t speak English very well. A lot of dancers show signs of pregnancy damage and weight gain at younger ages than women from other parts of the United States. Nulliparous dancers are a rare sight in the Magic Valley. The stars of the show were Paris and Cherry, both slim stunners. Tipping at the stage did not yield any contact.

Private dances are $20 per song. Private dances take place in a back room where booths are situated side by side but facing away from each. The booths are arranged in rows of three and lined up back-to-back. The left side of the room has six booths and the right side of the room has six booths. Each booth has a shelf and cupholder for your drink. There is some visual privacy on each row of booths due to the dividers, but other dancers and customers walking through to booths further down a given corridor will get a full view. Extras are not possible here, but private dances are solid two-way contact. I went hog-wild since two-way contact for $20 is hard to find in many locales nowadays. While my experience was mostly positive, I will mention two dancers who you should look to avoid: (1) Akira had fake DD cups and a large back tattoo. She tried telling me we did six songs when we only did five songs. She then had the audacity to come around later and think I would buy her an overpriced Patron. (2) Goddess had fake DD cups and would be a solid 9 on most guys’ scales. She is an Instagram model. She tried telling me we did six songs when we only did four songs. She also suggested I tip her after arguing with me. Maybe if she would be honest with customers, they would tip her on their own volition. Not all dancers here are ROB’s, but some are definitely out to play games.