Hoodtastic - If You’re Into That Sorta Thing

Dropped by here last Friday after midnight on my way back from a late night dinner with friends. The hood hostess along with the block head bouncer who looked a villain from a 90s Steven Seagal movie at first said I needed to be on a list to get in but then the bouncer overruled the gatekeeper after he said he liked my chopper, so he was gonna make an exception and let me in anyways. Cover was $30.00. He patted me down and the door girl gave me a nasty look as I entered.

Walked in and the club is very much on the seedy side. Small, cramped and just bad vibes all around. It was fairly packed though for a Saturday morning with the clientele mainly being thuggish looking black guys with a few Mexicanos littered into the mix. I myself can be perceived as a Hells Angel with my biker gear and long beard so I was left alone for the most part. The stage looks like a runway and if you’re looking to throw thousands of dollars on stage and get absolutely nothing in return for doing so, this is your place. Even worse, most of the dancers look like they’ve been injected with silicon fillers EVERYWHERE. They all look completely fake. I’d say the majority of the dancers were black and/or Hispanic but they also seemed like world class scammers. A few asked me to buy them a drink and when I refused, they’d stomp away faster than they walked up. One thick (fairly natural), decent looking Mexican girl asked if she could sit with me for a few minutes and when I obliged, she quickly segwayed into trying to get me to buy a 1k dollar bottle of Jim Bean for the both of us. Hell no! Guess what she did next? Got up and hit up the suckers at the next table who actually agreed to her proposition. When the bottle came, she took a shot, thanked them for their time and quickly left to their confusion (they must get a percentage for every bottle they bring to a table). Suckers!

I ordered a 10 dollar soda water as I quit drinking a while back but was amazed at how much money this club makes for doing absolutely nothing. There’s 0 return here whatsoever for anything. The dancers push drinks hard as does their overweight bottle service girls and believe me when I say they will try to shame you if your refuse to buy them drinks. This is not a fully nude club and the dancers are only working to make money on stage and push drinks, so good luck if you’re looking for any extras. Most of the women are of the rap video variety, thicker with BBLs, disproportioned, silicon injections and 0 ability to hold a conversation. I can’t tell you how much lap dances were because I left after 45 minutes. The music (gangster rap) is even more painful. Never comin to this place again.