Better parties at the office than here
(Notes on the girls are at the bottom, In case you don't want to read the rest)
THIS IS THE WORST STRIP CLUB IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!!1! DESERTSCRUB WAS RIGHT!!!!1!1! The building is run down! The parking attendants are homeless people! I had to mortgage my house to get in the front door! The bouncers try to mug you every chance you get! The wait staff is rude! And ugly! The drinks are watered down! And that water comes from a toilet! And they’re so expensive, I had to go rob a bank to afford one! The girls are hideous! They just sit on stage and do nothing for ten minutes! The music is too loud! Lap dances are out in the open! No one takes any clothes off! This is ripoff central!!1!1!...
Okay, are all the idiot haters who call us shills gone? Good. Let’s get on with the real stuff.
I know the description’s been done to death, but here we go. In the main club, you've got two stages, one center front with a pole and one off to the right. 3 tables in front of the main stage and one off to the left, next to a small couch, and two square bars in the back. A TV to either side of the main stage, and one all the way in the back left, and sometimes they'll put a game on on the big monitor behind the second stage.
This is an upscale club. You've got chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, the lights are typical strip club without looking tacky, no smoke machines, all of the girls are in actual gowns and dresses instead of whatever bikini or underwear they pulled out of the bureau in the morning, good mix of music, and they run it like an upscale place too. No hats after 9 pm, and if you start to act like a dick by smoking/vaping inside, taking pictures of the girls, or drinking way too much, you'll get swarmed quick. The wait staff is on point, you rarely have to wait for service, the pours are good, and the prices for the drinks are very reasonable. Especially if you don't go for top shelf stuff. Even the bouncers are all pretty cool. They're the type of guys I'd hang out with them outside the club, but they can turn it on in a moment if trouble starts up (actually saw it once), so you always feel safe unless you're being a dick. Then you deserve it.
Remember, this is a strip club. Not your church’s book discussion group. Money talks, bullshit walks. Just because a girl has some regulars lined up doesn’t mean she doesn’t have the time for you. Grow some balls, tip her at the stage, and ask her to come join you. It might take a few times, but I swear to god, every time I hear someone whine about “So and so wouldn’t give me the time of day”, it’s usually followed up with “I smiled and waved at her!”
The Visit:
So the Doc hit up the Halloween “Party”. Well, first he went to Foxy to check out their Halloween “Party”. If you’ve seen his prior review of their parties, you know that that statement doesn’t need to go beyond there. In and out in 20 minutes, mostly b-team ladies, saw multiples of hu-cows, poison ivys, and schoolgirls. Zero originality. But anyway, onto Desires. As opposed to the Back to School “Party”, the Doc only saw one girl who didn’t wear a costume. Everyone else was wearing something, even if it was Ruby and Naomi putting in zero effort by wearing a body stocking and a masquerade mask. You had some things like Vivian as a Nun, Cali as a Cop, Syn as Princess Peach… London and Leilani phoned it in big time wearing the exact same outfits they wore to Back to School night. If the Doc ran a club, sexy schoolgirl outfits would be banned from Halloween night. Zero originality. Not to mention you had a sexy bunny, a sexy bunny, a sexy bunny, a sexy kitten, a sexy bunny, and everyone’s favorite… a sexy bunny.
So it was a little more packed than usual for a Thursday night, but nothing really special. Still easy to find a seat around the bar. Asked Wendy to marry me again, she said she’d do it if I bought her a Ferrari. Anyone have a spare 500k the Doc could borrow? He’ll pay you back when his crypto bets pay off. Looks like they’re starting to reuse names. You have a new Alice (short, stocky, light brown hair, annoying), a new Winter (tall AA), and a new Aria (tall thick blonde). Say what you want about a ghetto place like Caddy, but at least there everyone had original names.
The clubs up here need to up their games for their parties, big time. Back in the old country, if the club advertised a party, everyone had to attend. And I do mean everyone. None of this half-assed, b-list, “only the girls who normally work that evening show up” bullshit. Even if you were only scheduled for two days a month, if you wanted to continue working there, you had to attend the party. You only got out for serious shit like a hospital stay or serious family emergency. Shit, I remember clubs in the old country where if you wanted to work a Friday or Saturday night, you also had to work a slow night like a Sunday or Monday. So if you didn’t go to the party, you didn’t miss much. Needless to say, since nothing special was going on, just had my two drinks and hit the road.
Here’s the stuff you’re really looking for, so do try to keep up. "*" means new or updated info.
Abby: She gets a huzzah. Used to see her during the day, but now showing up on weekend evenings. Thicker girl, but not a sloppy body, nick rack, dirty blonde hair, very pretty.
*Alicia: She gets a huzzah. Rubenesque girl, long black hair, wears glasses. Mostly evenings later in the week. Clicked right off the bat. Really cool personality and just as fun in the back. One of my remaining go-tos in the evenings.
Amelia: Fuck her. Petite brunette, darker skin, typically only works Wednesday, Friday and Saturday nights. Usually dresses more like it's the 60s, but she looks damned good in them. I like her, but last time I saw her, on our way to the VIP room, she hits me with the “BTW, I’ve raised my rates.” I told her thank you for telling me that up front, you’ve just saved me a lot of money, and went back to my seat without another word.
Arianna: She gets a huzzah. She's recently returned to the club. Hispanic girl with long dark blonde hair, average body and chest. Mostly see her Wednesday through Friday nights.
Arielle: Fuck her and the horse she rode in on. DOCTOR'S NOTE: Thinks she's a porn star because she bangs guys for her OF. Looks like she's up at Fine Line when she's dancing in the area, and playing $900 an hour hooker when she's not. Keeping her up here as a founding memeber of the "Hall of Fuck You" in case she comes back.
Cassandra: Fuck her. Blonde, petite, very pretty, has some Russian I think. Good regular dance, but the Doc won’t do a VIP, because she brought homers to a small time stripper contest.
Channelle: She gets a huzzah. Brunette, has recently grown out her hair to mid-back length. She's slimmed down into a nice tight body, but still a very generous posterior for those of you who like that sort of thing. Usually works Wednesday through Saturdays, and occasional Sundays or days.
Charlotte: She gets a huzzah. Tattooed goth chick, incredibly hot with a nice petite body. She looks a lot like Mayim Bailik, just with black hair. Mostly days and Sunday mid shift.
Dahlia: Fuck her and the horse she rode in on. Thin, petite, medium length black hair, cute face. Nice girl. But dances SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. Refuses to do regular dances, just VIPs. Because her dances suck, and she thinks that if people see her doing a lot of VIPs, it’ll increase demand for her. Didn’t take off her bottoms in the VIP room until it was almost done. Also demands a big tip for a horrible dance. I said you want a big tip, up your game and change your attitude, or you won’t last long here. If she does last long, it’s because she now targets the drunk suckers and first timers who don’t know any better.
Dallas: Hoo-wee, she definitely gets a Huzzah. The Doc’s future ex-wife. Daytime, usually Mondays and Fridays, but have started seeing her on Sundays. Thick curvy body, not sloppy, that looks amazing in and out of dresses, brown hair that goes about halfway down her back, insanely hot, lots of tattoos, and an amazing chest. Very fun to talk to and hang out with.
Ivanna: Hoo-wee, she definitely gets a Huzzah. Thin body, nice manmade funbags, shorter platinum blonde hair. Looks-wise I’d consider her average, ‘cause we all have different standards of beauty. But she’s wicked smart and fun to talk to, and gives a very satisfying room. Mostly weekend days.
Kami: Fuck her and the horse she rode in on. First she cut the time in the room short. Then told me I owed her $200 after a regular 15 minute VIP, said "the girls set their own prices here". I told her to fuck all the way off to Fuckoffistan and to send me a postcard once she got there. DOCTOR'S NOTE: Looks like I should be getting a postcard anyday now. She hasn't been at the club in a while, she's renamed her IG, apparently people stopped falling for her shit down here and she decided to take her shit show on the road. Not to mention that she obviously wasn't getting any business being a 1k an hour hooker. So she's doing doubles with Arielle on the road for half that price. Keeping her up here as a founding member of the "Hall of Fuck You" in case she comes back.
Leilani: See London. Fuck her and the horse she rode in on.
London: Fuck her and the horse she rode in on. Fucking bottle rat, I deal with enough of those at the real clubs. Annoying as all hell, doesn’t take her top off on stage, and just a shitty attitude.
Maria: Fuck her and the horse she rode in on. Tall AA, short hair, nice natural chest, very pretty. Comes and goes a lot. We agreed to terms up front, then tried to pull a Lord Vader on Cloud City after the room was over. I told her all aboard the Nope Train to Fuckoffsburg, choo choo. And threw in the hand motion for good measure. She'll still come over and be like "I'm sorry, let me make it up to you, I'll take good care of you", and I'm just "fuck no bitch, you've had your three strikes."
*Mia: She gets a huzzah. Medium height, long dirty blonde hair, plain face, average body. Works weekend days only. Fun to talk to. Would get a big huzzah, but she also has a bad case of vapers/smokers breath, and doesn’t do anything to fix or cover it up.
Renesme: Hoo-wee, she definitely gets a Huzzah. You can't miss her, she's the only 4'10" hot puerto rican with long flowing hair and an enhanced chest, and typically wears equally long flowing gowns that you might see at a gala event. Sometimes we've talked for up to an hour before we go to the VIP. Mostly days, but I've seen the occasional evening or Sunday mid-shift.
Reign: She gets a huzzah. Taller blonde, older, but always pleasant and always friendly. Never takes offense if you turn her down. Dresses conservatively for a club, but reliable without the drama. Mostly Wednesday, Friday and Sunday evenings, and Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday days.
Riley: Fuck her. Shorter black wavy hair, very cute in a girl-next-door way, has a really nice all natural body. Usually Friday through Sunday evenings, but also works occasional Wednesdays and Thursdays. She comes off as guarded from the get-go, but really opens up once she feels comfortable with you. I like her, but rooms are too inconsistent.
Rosie: The moment our eyes met on the floor, the attraction was electric. You could feel the tension in the air between us. I pulled her over, whispered something sweet in her ear. She immediately ran into the back, changed into her street clothes, and followed me home. As soon as the door slammed behind us, we ripped off each others clothes and started fucking. It was a non-stop fuck fest. Every room in the house, every piece of furniture, we even kicked the little Doc out of his room so we could fuck on his bed. Must’ve gone on for six hours. She had trouble keeping up, so she called up her sister to come and join us. So it was now three of us fucking everywhere for another six hours. Even her sister couldn’t keep up, so she called her cousin. And her roommate. And a girl she kinda knows from the gym. Big six person fuckfest for hours. When we ran out of furniture to break while fucking, we went next door, kicked the neighbors out of their house, and started fucking all over the place there. The neighbors called the cops, but the cops didn’t do anything. They couldn’t. They were frozen in awe at the amazing fuckfest in front of them… I’m just fucking with you. Fuck her and the horse she rode in on. She’s got a shitty attitude and tries to retire on each room she cons out of someone.
Sasha: Fuck her. Friday through Sunday evenings. Petite with a banging thin body, very pretty, short black hair, lots of tattoos and piercings. I like her, have had a lot of fun chatting with her at the bar, and her regular dances are good. But I have to say Fuck her. She doesn’t take off her bottoms in the VIP, and wants you to pay extra to touch her tits. Fuck that.
Sky: Fuck her and the horse she rode in on. Shorter AA, long hair, petite body. Apparently she’s working some days, I guess too many people had it with her bullshit in the evenings. Haven't had a dance with her, won't because of multiple credible reports of her shaking people down. If you're a machochist and and into findom, go get a dance with her. Otherwise, you'd have more fun punching yourself in the nuts.
Stella: She gets a huzzah. Shorter girl, curly hair that goes past her shoulders, really bubbly personality. Hard to catch sometimes but I enjoyed my time with her.
Stevie: She gets a huzzah. Daytimes, light skinned, black hair, slim and petite. Looks a lot like porn star Darcie Dolce. Real fun girl once you break the ice with her.
Vee: She gets a huzzah. You can't miss her either, she's 4'8" with long hair, wide hips and a huge butt. Works most day shifts, has started regularly working Sunday days as well. I like her, but she’s rapidly getting on my nerves. I’ll tell her I’m not doing any dances that day, and she’ll come back in five minutes, and four more times in the next hour asking me if I’ve changed my mind.
Vida: Fuck her. Darker complexion, long wavy hair, has had work done on her boobs and butt. Usually posts on Insta when she's at the club, mostly Tuesday through Sundays. We were chatting at the bar and I figured I'd give her another chance. Didn't take her up on it, she quotes me a figure up front that was so high, I ordered an extra drink just so that I could spit it out in shock. Way I figure it, she hates stripping, and is just using the club to find johns who’ll meet her outside for ridiculous money.
Vivian: Very pretty girl with short blonde hair, nice lean natural body. Typically seen her on weekend evenings. She gets an incomplete, regular dances were fine, just never did a room with her.
As always, your experiences may be different than mine. And as the Doc always says, if you find a girl you like, enjoy her as much as you can, she may be gone before you know it.
