Praise Be: The Land Mammals Are Missing
Entry: Monday afternoon. No cover. Usual metal detector walk through.
Inside the Cave:
I’ve reviewed this place many times and have gone over the layout before. It’s still darker than a rat’s asshole in a coal mine. 3 stages but none of them in use on that fine afternoon.
The Mission:
This wasn’t a horny impulse drop in (okay maybe like 30% was). I came with a purpose. A few months ago, a weekend girl let it slip that management stopped letting the bigger girls work Thursday–Saturday nights. I’m not talking about thicc queens. I mean land whales. FUPA forward ladies. I’m talking full grown she beasts waddling around like it was mating season at the Golden Corral.
Since then, the weekend lineups have been noticeably hotter. I had to run recon on a weekday shift to see if the thundering herd had just been relocated to pasture Monday through Wednesday or if we’re seeing a club wide glow up.
Honestly? The talent was decent. Mostly slim to average bodies, no one visibly melting out of their heels. Could be a fluke or maybe management finally realized that Sexy Shamu isn’t bringing in the spenders.
The Lineup:
Girl #1: Very skinny Latina with glasses. Cute but not my type.
Girl #2: Average built Latina with a little belly but manageable. She looked good, like someone’s hotter cousin you tried to flirt with at a wedding.
Girl #3 (Main Event): Thought she was Latina but turns out she’s white and from California. Said she usually comes on weekends though I’ve never seen her before and I would’ve remembered. She’s stacked. Huge tits, huge ass, no stomach. Might be fake, probably is, but if it is, it’s surgical perfection. Smooth, bouncy, and not shaped like a Minecraft character. She’s what bad BBLs pray to become in the next life.
Girl #4: Tall, skinny Black girl. Pretty face and sweet attitude. Chatted me up but wasn’t pushy. Not my type. I like curves and the risk of suffocation. Still, she was chill. I hit her with the classic “I gotta go to the bathroom” move and pulled a quick escape.
The Dance:
I made my move on Girl #3 once I was free. We talked a bit and she hit me with a smooth “$150 for 15 minutes.”
Say less.
We headed to one of the private suites. They’re behind a mirrored wall (you can see out but nobody can see in). Curtain in the doorway for extra discretion. Tiny and darker than a cave. Staff won’t bug you once you’re in.
Dance was solid. Sensual, slow, passionate. Lots of eye contact and fake girlfriend energy. No extras but I asked and she told me straight up, “Not for first timers.” Fair. This one seems like she plays the long game.
Prices:
Regular VIP Dances: 2 for $75, 3 for $120. These are done in a larger room with couches lining the walls, better lighting, and still plenty of privacy. No one bugs you.
Private Suites: 15 min = $150 | 30 min = $300 | 1 hour = $600.
Final Thoughts:
Not bad for a Monday. Lineup was stronger than expected. No fupas in sight. Could’ve been a fluke but maybe Fantasy is finally tightening up the quality control. Girl #3 alone was worth the trip and if she does show up on weekends, I’ll be there with bills in my lap and hope in my eyes.
Till next time, may your wallet be thick and your girls be thicker. Or thinner. However you like them.
