First endured a snarling, but then got to bang a darling
I made a solo visit to Club Darling on a recent Friday night during a layover in Barcelona, Spain. To sum things up, Darling is a strip club, whorehouse and place to buy drugs all rolled into one. It's only open at night, after 10:30. The cover charge was a steep 50 Euro (that's about $60). Cover included 2 drinks. Most of the broads were ugly but there were 3 young hotties that made my visit worthwhile. Stage shows were almost non-existent. And what they called "strip teases" were done in private rooms with a price that is negotiated between customer and entertainer. All the dames that I encountered spoke good to excellent English, including understanding slang terms like pussy and creampie. As an old gringo I felt slightly out of place as all the other customers were young and looked like locals. I ended up spending a grand total of €300 Euro (around $360) which included the cover, 2 drinks and getting laid... condom blowjob, condom full service (vaginal intercourse) and 6-9/DATY action. I also got in some really good deep Fingers-In-Vagina (FIV) action. I should mention that brothels, prostitution and drugs are tolerated (decriminalized) in Spain. When considering the total amount of money I spent I'd say prices were about on par with what I typically spend on visits to strip clubs with extras back home in the United States. But much higher than what I've spent in brothels in Amsterdam, Germany and Thailand, albeit many years ago. Finally the hustle factor here was brutal. A few old ugly broads surrounded me when I first arrived and hounded me for the first hour. They just wouldn't take no for an answer. Despite that shit I ended up boning one of the few young beauties at the club and left extremely satisfied with her excellent non-rushed service. I will definitely return if I'm in Barcelona again. But I wouldn't recommend this joint to anyone who isn't thick skinned or those looking to just sit back, chill and watch naked ladies.
Also gotta say that if you're just a tits and ass guy and aren't looking to fuck there's no need to even go to a strip club in Barcelona. You can see everything you want for free just walking the streets or going to the city's beach. Lots of slutty young ladies here. It seemed like every girl walking past me was sporting the "brat summer" look- sheer top with no bra, nipples clearly visible and their tits bouncing everywhere. And on the Barceloneta beach enough young dames went topless to cause me to have a sexual emergency. Luckily I found Darling!
For those interested in more explicit details...
1. Location/Safety:
Darling is located on a main thoroughfare in the city center where all the buildings have retail or restaurants on the ground floor and apartments above. It's a block or so away from the junction of the Passeig de Gracia, Gran Via and Plaza Catalunya which is Barcelona's version of Times Square. This is an area full of hotels where most tourists stay. The city's main university is also literally around the corner from the club. Unfortunately the block where Darling is located has gay bars surrounding it. When I walked to and from the club I heard whistling and catcalls from faggots at the outdoor cafes. For perspective I'm an older middle aged, gray, balding, obese guy. Many people tell me that I look like "that guy from Seinfeld", actor Jason Alexander. So if you look like Brad Pitt or are some young stud I can just imagine the shit you'll deal with. Also both my entertainer and later the doorman when I left warned me to be careful. According to them customers have been targeted and mugged after leaving the club. Despite that I had an uneventful 10 minute walk back to my hotel by myself down desserted streets at around 2:30 a.m.
2. Admission:
Darling opens at 10:30 in the evening. Sign out front says 18 and over to enter in English. The doorman was standing out front when I arrive. Then went into a very small area between the outside door and an inner door where there was a cash register. On Friday night I paid a €50 euro cover which included 2 drinks. I tried to negotiate the cover charge down but told it was 50 euros with 2 drinks take it or leave it. So the 30 or 40 euro cover charges referred to in previous reviews seem no longer valid, at least on weekends. Anyways, there was no ID check, no metal detector or frisking, no bullshit. Just walk in after you pay. I got a piece of scrap paper with the number 2 written on it, which I gave to the bar maid in exchange for my 2 drinks. Also want to say that I got there around 11. At that time there was no line and only a hand full of patrons inside. However when I left the club around 2:30 it was packed and there was a line outside waiting to get in.
3. Layout:
Not gonna spend much time here amigos since you can take your own virtual tour of this joint on Google maps. Basically it's a very small whole in the wall club. Main part is like the size of a typical American basement rec room with a bar on one wall and sofa seating lining the other walls. Because it's so small it became a real sausage fest after around midnight with no place to sit or stand either. Off the main room is a T-shaped hallway leading to maybe a dozen private rooms. They were the size of small hotel rooms and had their own attached bathrooms with toilet, shower and hot tub as well as very large beds which were very useful;)
4. Vibe:
All I can say is...if I thought American strip clubs were shady places, this joint brought shadiness to a new level! Darling felt like a den of criminals right out of a Hollywood movie. On one side of where I sat was a large group of young African migrant drug dealers. On the other side a group of young Blockhead gangsters. The rest looked like young Spanish stoners who struck out at regular nightclubs earlier in the night and other local delinquents. There wasn't one normal looking person in the whole club... not even myself! LOL. At 58 I was by far the oldest patron there by like 30 years! I think all the customers were male, as I don't recall seeing any female customers. Most dudes looked like 18 to 22 y/o kids. The rest were mid to late 20's at the very most. As I mentioned before, Darling is not just a strip club/bordello. Almost every lady I interacted with either offered to sell me coke or asked if I wanted to do a complimentary line of blow with them as part of their sell on doing a private room. If I hadn't been there alone and paranoid about it being laced with fentanyl so they could rob me I probably would've taken them up. But didn't, so can't comment on its authenticity, quality or price. Anyways coke, molly and any other drug one desires is readily available for purchase from African migrants on virtually every street throughout the city even during the day. And weed is legally sold in shops everywhere. Aside from the doorman, I didn't see any bouncers. And I also didn't see any DJ but the club played the same rap crap I hear at clubs back home along with some Reggaeton.
5. Hustle factor:
When your chico first entered the club it was like I entered a gypsy encampment. Before even reaching the bar I was immediately surrounded by 4 of the oldest and ugliest broads in the club. And most of them had bad breath too! For over an hour I was snarled with these four g-dawefull fugly smelly whores. First they complemented and flattered me. But then as time went by they cursed and insulted me all while simultaneously trying to sell me a private room and pickpocket my wallet and phone. At no time did I ever express even the remotest interest in any of them or even engage them in meaningful conversation. I started with a polite no thank you and progressed to a firm No. Then just tried to completely ignore them. When that didn't work I even used the more direct "go fuck off all the way to fuckoffstan" line made popular by another tuscl reviewer. And even that didn't work! By the end I had to physically shove these broads away from me several times. I thought I was gonna get into an actual brawl with these fugly whores. Even the bar wench started to have an uncomfortable wtf look on her face! After watching other customers enter after me I felt like the club had some kind of hierarchy where the old ugly broads were give first shot at new customers. Then after that the mediocre girls where given a shot. Then if you survived those two onslaughts finally the young beautiful girls were finally allowed to approach you. I also have to mention that all the ladies were curious about where I was from, since it was apparently unusual for someone who didn't live in Barcelona or Spain to visit this joint. As I spoke English, all made the assumption that I was British, which I happily went along with. I even told them they could call me "London guy". Sorry to the real one. I turned that reviewers handle to mud at this club! Lmfaooo
6. Drinks:
Despite a "full menu" if you get my drift, no food is available. Just drinks. To get a drink you had to physically go up to the bar and order. No waitress service whatsoever. There was a sole 30 something bar wench who was was kind of snarky. I think she also doubled as a sort of house mom and the Madam/mammasan. She was quick to serve and made the drinks nice and strong. None of that watered down bullshit. I only had the two drinks included with admission. So not sure what they cost a la carte. Also no idea about buying lady drinks, as the only option presented to me was to buy them a very expensive €60 (about $70) drink that was combined with a private room. More on that later...
7. The Mujeres/Stable of Whores:
Before I entered, the doorman said he had over 40 dames working this night. That was bullshit! I was there for over 3 hours and saw 20 at best. All were white, either European or light skinned Latina. I didn't see any Asians or sistahs. There was a large contingent of Romanians, Venezuelans and Colombians. But also a fair amount of local Spanish girls as well. The vast majority (like 75%) were natural. A few had fake tits and/or BBLs, but not nearly as many as at clubs back home in America. Spanish ladies and also Latinas tend to be naturally curvy and have big titties and phat asses. So I'd describe most as curvy. But none were fat. There were also a few spinners and those with athletic figures as well. Unfortunately the tattoo craze is worldwide. Most of the dames had prominent tattoos, like on arms, legs or their backs. But at least they weren't covered with tats. Overall most looked between 25 and early 30s. About 6 were hags past their prime, 40s, maybe even 50s. But their were about 6 that were college-aged or barely legal. Overall I'd rate most broads in the 3 to 6 range. A few 7s. But there were 3 ladies that were a 9 for me...
#1 A blonde, semi-curvy, early 20s Bulgarian with beautiful blue eyes. Looked a lot like a young version of celebrity NFL wife and television "Survivor" contestant Elizabeth Hasselback. She was wearing civilian clothes so not sure if she had any tats. But looked like nice set of natural C cups and a round ass.
#2 A brunette spinner who looked a lot like actress Ami Dolenz waaay back in the day. Long very curly light brown hair, cute face, smokin' hot very petit body with a perky set of itty bitty A cups, a bubble butt and no noticeable tattoos or piercings. Looked around 21.
#3 A 20 y/o (so she said, looked barely legal) brunette, GND spinner that looked like Angelina Jolie back when she was young and in the movie Gia. Initially told me she was Romanian. But found out later she was a Spanish-Latina mix. As reviewers of German FKKs have noted, many girls will claim to be Romanian because they have a reputation for being good at sucking and fucking. Anyway this girl had a perfect young fresh "teen" body with perky B cups, a very nice apple bottom, a small dragon tattoo on her right bikini line and another very small tat on her right elbow. But the big draw for me was between her legs- NOTE MY HANDLE AMIGOS!!! She had one of the most perfect little camel toe pussys that I have ever encountered in my many decades of mongering. And when she sat on my face her pussy lips hung down just enough to tickle the end of my big schnoz. A perfect 10 for this connoisseur of coochie!
Other notable mentions...
An early 20s Romanian spinner with short dyed blonde hair. She had what looked like a pair of fake C cups on an almost skeleton thin body and no tats. Ok face, kind of ethnic looking. Maybe a passing resemblance to Sabrina Carpenter but with a hook nose.
An early 20s tall, slim, very tanned, local Catalan college girl, with long, straight, light brown hair, big brown eyes and an athletic but also naturally busty body ( a pair of D's). She had some prominent writing tattoo just above her right tit. Body was a 10. But face was just ok, like a 6. Face looked like actress Natascha McElhone. She also had acne. With the Spanish girls there's like a trade off. They tend not to be very pretty but as I said before they tend to have big tits!
A late 20s/early 30s tall, Spanish senorita with long curly reddish brown hair, a nice set of natural perky C cups on an athletic body with a donkey ass. She wore hipster glasses and had a huge sleeve tattoo on one arm and prominent tattoos on her legs. Face was attractive but not necessarily beautiful. Even though she wasn't quite my type, there was one thing about her that really turned me on. She had a big wiry bush along with very prominent tan lines outlining where her bikini bottoms had been. Made her look really dirty. Yummy!!!
8. Stage Shows:
Stage shows were nearly non-existent. There was one small mini "stage" which was only a pole with no tip rail. I saw only one lady take the stage while I was there, the Spanish senorita with the big bush, tan lines and glasses. It was around midnight when the club got really busy. She put on a good show with acrobatics on the pole. She was topless with a short skirt that flipped up when she was upside down on the pole revealing that big bush. The crowd went wild, with hooting-n-hollering and a round of applause at the end. But unfortunately she danced for only one song, maybe 3 minutes. And I didn't see anyone else take the stage after that. Anyways her effort paid off. When she left the stage she was immediately scooped up by the table of n*gg*rs next to me. After a few minutes all of them got up and went to do a private room with her, at the same time! Must have been like a Diddy freak off back there!
9. Private Rooms:
The goal of all the ladies was obviously to sell private rooms. Not to sit there and make convo or sell drinks for the club. They all started with the pitch to get me to buy them a drink for 60 euro (about $70). Buying a lady a drink provided access to a private room for 15 minutes where they would then give me what they called a "strip tease" for an additional sum paid directly to them. This was another €40 euro to €100 depending on the lady and whether they wanted to negotiate. So it was €100 to €160 total (about $120-190) They described it as a "get to know you" non-extras option. Just like President Trump, I like to grab em by the pussy. So I inquired about fingering the kitty and about half of those I asked were ok with that during the "strip tease". However the 3 girls that I was interested in wouldn't allow that for just a base room. And as an incurable sex addict, a simple strip tease and some FIV was not enough for me anyway. Especially since I still had a woodie going hours after visiting the beach earlier! So I skipped the strip tease and went straight for the sexual intercourse option...
Prices for blowjobs and full service (vaginal intercourse) were all over the place. From a low of €200 euros (about $240) from the ugly broads to initial quotes of €500 to 1000 (about $600-$1200) from the prettiest ladies. That was for 40 minutes, which is an unusual amount of time where I come from. Anyways I negotiated down the price to a total of €250 euro (about $300 dollars) for 30 minutes which included a blowjob, FIV, 6-9/DATY and vaginal intercourse. And I left extremely satisfied! FYI for all the black bruthas out there, most ladies offered anal for an additional fee of €50 (about $60).
10. My experience/Dear Penthouse...
WARNING, if you're not a diehard monger and fellow sex addict you may not enjoy reading the rest of this review!
First off all lemme share a tip from a pro... I've been dealing with a lot of smelly pussys recently at clubs back home. So before I commit to doing a room I do the following... first I pretend that I fumble something in my hand and drop it on the floor. Then I reach down to retrieve it and on the way back up I pretend to loose my balance and briefly end up in my entertainer's crotch area where I can take a big sniff to make sure she ain't smelling like rotten fish down there. Anyways... the girl I picked passed my smell test so off to the private room we went.
Of the €250, I had to pay €200 euros upfront at the bar to the bar wench before my entertainer led me through a door, then down a hallway to a fully enclosed private room. Upon entering the room we both completely stripped down. At this point she kind of examined my cock while I checked out her snatch. She then asked me to go to the shower in the back of our room and wash off my dick. I asked if she would join me in the shower but she politely declined (she probably correctly guessed that I would try to bareback her with my schlong in the shower:) Anyways she then took a piss in the toilet, which she reluctantly let me watch. Btw golden showers are a huge turn on for this monger! Then she washed her pussy and ass in the shower. And we headed to the bed. She then asked for the remaining €50 euro which I obediently forked over. After that she immediately left the room and returned like 30 seconds later with a small bag filled with lube and condoms. Apparently this was done as some part of a legal loophole where she's supposedly an independent contractor and we're just renting a room where we just happen to have sex. Anyways she put a condom on my pecker. Then we started with her sitting spread eagle and me fingering her. This was not some half ass only running my fingers on her outer pussy lips. She let me spread her labia wide and deep finger her all the up to her cervix while I massaged her clit with my other hand. After that she sat on my face. Damn, her clam was delicious! Her box tasted like fine sushi. And as I delved deeper into her, her vaginal juices flowed and were like a kick of wasabi sauce. Yummy! My apologies if I'm making you folks reading along hungry. Then we 69'd while she gave me an incredible blowjob. She put in great effort. She had a tongue ring and knew how to use it. Swallowed my cock, balls, everything. All while having her beautiful pussy buried in my face. Can't beat that folks! As I started to feel like I was going to erupt I asked her if we could move on to vaginal coitus. She obliged and mounted me forward facing cowgirl. I had a great view of her little swollen pussy lips gripping my cock as she bounced up and down on it. She rode me for only a minute before I nutted filing the rubber. I didn't even last long enough to try other positions, damn! After we finished she told me to take my time. We talked for a while. I inquired about meeting her OTC for bareback sex and filing her pussy with a creampie. She politely said she'd think about it but later on texted me and said she wasn't comfortable with doing that :( Too bad cause I would have dropped a big bag on it and rebooked my flight for that! But anyway she still was a sport about things. She was ok with sitting there spread eagle for a very long time after we had sex while I stared at her beat up wet vagina and made weird noises. She didn't mind that I fingered her some more and sniffed my finger. And also was ok with me sticking my head between her legs when she was on the toilet taking a pee after we had sex so I could watch piss coming out of her pussy. At the end of our time together we both briefly showered together, exchanged contact info and hugs, then I left. Even though I had paid for only 30 minutes, I was in the room for well over an hour. And no one ever knocked on the door, yelled in, called/texted or rushed things along. I really appreciated that! Especially considering that when I emerged from the room, the whole hallway outside was filled with custies and whores standing around waiting for vacant rooms.
11. Final thoughts:
If it weren't for being hassled by those fugly smelly broads when I first arrived, I'd have rated my experience at Darling as a 10. Despite that, I'd definitely visit Darling again and would like to return to Barcelona for a sexcation to check out some of the escort and brothel services too. Just how much of a good time I had hit me when I got back to my hotel. As I entered the security guard who buzzed me in gave me a weird look as I passed by. It wasn't until I entered my room and went into the bathroom that I learned why. Immediately when I looked in the mirror I saw that there was a very large blob of dry crusted vaginal juices on my face from 6-9'ing. Now that's what I call a sign of having a great time! Olay!
