Your Schlong Will Be Happy After A Visit To Suzy Wong's Agogo
Patong Beach on the island of Phuket has the three things I look for when I go on vacation- sun, surf and... lots of strip clubs! After visiting about a half dozen of those clubs I would crown Suzy Wong's as hands down the best. It had the best looking ladies, the most upbeat vibe and all the girls got totally naked on stage. It also felt more relaxed than the other clubs as I didn't feel hounded to buy drinks or "services".
The club is located about three quarters of the way down Soi Sea Dragon on the right-side. Out front it is lit up with neon lighting and looks like a good old fashioned whorehouse in Chinatown. Be aware there's also another club with a neon sign that says "Suzy Wong 2" that is on the same side of the alley but closer to Bangla Road. Don't get confused by this club as the ladies there were not nearly as good looking as the main Suzy Wong club down the Soi (alley).
As I entered through the red curtain into the club I was intercepted by a waitress that guided me to a seat which is pretty much standard practice at all Thai gogo bars. Also as is standard there's no admission fee but everyone must immediately purchase a drink, which in my case was a 180 Baht (about US $5) bottle of beer. Unlike most Bangkok clubs there's no tab system, instead you pay the waitress as soon as you get each drink. It's a medium size club inside with an elevated rectangular stage in the middle and booth seating (like at a diner) along the walls. The waitress sat me on one of the stools directly at the stage. There's no real bar seating as the small bar off to the left as you enter is only used by the ladies to order and pick up "lady drinks" (soft drinks that the ladies get a kickback for getting mongers to buy them). The patrons were a diverse mix of westerners, Thais, other Asians, a few shady looking Arab looking dudes... On average a younger crowd than seen at the Bangkok clubs. Quite a few looked like college kids or kids doing their gap year adventure (although there was a sign saying you had to be at least 20 to enter). Also a mix of solo custies and groups. This is the only strip club in Patong that to me felt couple friendly as it's the only one where I saw a few female patrons accompanying their man. As far as safety, I felt very safe here as even on a week night there were tons of people both inside the club and in the Soi (alley) outside. Also the whole Soi Dragon complex is an integral part of the Bangla Road entertainment zone with lots of people around at all times and plenty of security/tourist police (including what looked like deputized Australian and British cops) patrolling the Soi and Bangla Road.
So here's the good part! There's always a half dozen ladies on stage and they're all completely in the buff (except for wearing a cowgirl hat).That's right, ALL NUDE! Each lady comes up on stage takes off her bikini top and then after a minute or two her knickers come off too:)) Each lady then rotates clock-wise around the stage while doing the "Bangkok shuffle" to the next pole after each song before finally putting their bikini back on and exiting the stage after about a 20 minute set. So if you sit at the stage for a while you will get to see each girl in front of you, up close and personal!
The club also passes out pieces of long tubular foam (like pipe insulation) to those who are stageside and custies are encouraged the spank the bare asses of the ladies. Some dudes really get into this, especially after a few drinks! Just be warned that the ladies are also armed with these foam "whips" and the harder you spank them, the harder they'll spank you back. I saw a couple of girls club the shit out of a few dudes. All done in good fun though! So... at some point everyone in the place ends up getting spanked with these foam whips even if you're just a spectator. I even got my fat ass whipped! But don't worry it doesn't hurt.
Now as far as the quality of the ladies... overall I thought it was very good but not as good as in Bangkok (which for me was paradise!). Suzy Wong had about a dozen ladies when I was there (it was after midnight so it's possible there's more working earlier in the evening as some may already have been barfined/doing OTC by this time). They were of varying shapes and sizes, from spinners to curvy and girl-next-door types to those with big fake tits and a porn star look. But as would be expected for Thailand all the ladies were Asian (FYI around the corner you can find over-priced Russian whores at the Moulin Rouge club). As far as I could see (and I think I saw a lot;) all were real females, no "Ladyboys" here! The age range of the ladies looked like early/mid 20's to early 30's. Neither Suzy Wongs nor any other club I visited in Patong had really young girls like you'll find in Bangkok. Quality-wise all looked healthy, fit and had a good positive attitude. All were 6 and above on my rating scale, with 3 of the ladies I saw being an 8 or 9 in my eyes. The first being a cute little spinner with a few small tattoos here and there, but nothing too gharish. The second was a mid to late 20's lady with an amazing perfect all natural body, a pussy that had a nicely trimmed landing strip leading to it and an attractive face. She looked like she could have been part Caucasian (or maybe part Indian?) and spoke good English which also makes me think she was probably of mixed race or not Thai. The only downside was that she had a huge tattoo (like a round oxcart wheel with tassels hanging off it) on her left thigh/upper leg. The last girl was the one that I thought was the hottest. She was fairly tall, thin, had perky titties and a cute little ass with a small tramp stamp just above (the only tat she had as far as I could see). She was probably about 20, light skinned and had a really cute face (looked maybe Vietnamese?) with a mischievous smile. She also had a nice completely shaved pussy that looked like a small hot dog bun that was just waiting for my weiner! But alas as soon as she exited the stage she was immediately intercepted and barfined by the only other geriatric guy in the place besides myself.
Which brings me to my final point. All these clubs exist not for you to just get drunk and drool at naked women. Like in Bangkok and Pattaya, mongering is a participatory sport. There's no traditional lap dances or champagne room in the club. But instead, once you find a lady that you fancy, after buying her a "lady drink" or two (which cost about $6 each) it's time to take her outside the club for what the Thais call "boom boom". To do this you must first pay the club what's called a "bar fine", in this case 800 Baht (about $25). Then you take her to your place (if it's close by and "guest friendly") or you can go just to the end of the alley to a Ho-tel where you can rent a room (either hourly or for the night if needed) to do the nasty. Rates run 3000 Baht (about $90) paid directly to the ladies for short term to 5000 Baht (about $150) for long term/overnight. For this you usually get a BBBJ to start off and then CFS (although it's not difficult to find ladies willing to ride without a saddle;) If you want, most of these young ladies are also willing to be your "girlfriend" for a couple of days for about $250 to $300 per day and even will travel with you around the surrounding area to places like James Bond Island (where part of the "Man with the Golden Gun" was filmed) and Maya Bay (where the film "The Beach" was filmed). Is this all legal? Technically no. Are you ever going to get in trouble? Hell no! This is what sustains Thailand's tourism industry not the cheap package holidaymakers or the broke-ass kids that come for the full moon parties.
In conclusion, overall Phuket doesn't stand a chance against the quantity and quality of the Bangkok and Pattaya clubs. Yet IMHO Suzy Wong's is still a very good club even by Bangkok standards whether you're a dirty old pervert like myself looking to get laid or just a backpacker out with your mates looking to see naked ladies and check off the Thai Go-Go bar experience off your bucket list.
