A Great Dive

This place is a dive. Every monger who’s ever visited Riverside knows that. It’s always been more upscale than a lolcow like, say, Pirates Cove, and has an ability to recruit top talent despite being a typical Portland hole-in-the-wall. In the Portland strip club dive scene, it’s positioned a little higher than the Cove and Bottoms Up, and below Dream On Saloon and Scarlet Lounge. Unlike other dives in town, it actually feels like a real strip club, where mongers can go to ogle strippers and get a high mileage lap dance. There was always a hint of something more about this place, but intel from Riverside veterans indicated that the mileage has decreased in recent years.

Those familiar with this club know that it’s been sold, with plans to demolish it to make way for housing development. Riverside has the misfortune of being located in a rapidly growing yuppy neighborhood, and this has made it a target for demolition. Intel I received from a stripper on this place in March indicated that it was coming down this summer, but the demolition has apparently been pushed back to February. I was at the tail end of my Portland strip club tour, driving along Saint Helens after an hour of debauchery at the Casa, and realizing I was in the vicinity of Riverside, decided to make a quick good-bye visit to the place. I ran into the lovely Heidi, and ended up spending $120, the most I’ve ever spent at a Portland dive.

Heading in the first thing I see is Heidi twerking naked on stage, the only state in the club. The first thing I noticed about her is how out of place she seems at a dive like Riverside. She’s a gorgeous thick stripper with a perfectly shaped body and a big natural rack. Although she’s in her mid-30s, she could easily pass as late 20s. How she ended up in a hole-in-the-wall like this I don’t know, but she could easily cut it a high end club in town. I got my drink from the cute Latina working the bar as Heidi’s second song was ending and took a seat at a table, opting to avoid the rack. I threw down some cash just as the song ended. We chatted for a few seconds and then she slipped her thong back on and disappeared into the dressing room.

Next up was a older milf stripper I’ve seen before at Riverside. She seems to be a club fixture. She had the, uh, aesthetics of a typical dive stripper. Older, tats, possibly drunk or high. I wasn’t digging it and headed to the bar.

That’s when Heidi re-emerged from the dressing room and headed my way.