Kittens-Still Worth It, But Be Careful

Kittens always gets a bad rap for the scam reputation, the drama between the dancers (just ask any Pandora ex-Kittens veteran, ) and the often times hands-on management. None of this bothers me, aside from the last one (last thing I need is some meat-head bouncer wannabe telling me where I can’t look at my iPhone). Guys go to this place for one reason:it’s high mileage. There’s nothing any other club in town won’t do better aside from the mileage. That’s because it’s ghetto (that’s a good thing) and pretty much anything is on the menu. Let me put it this way:the absolute minimum you’re guaranteed is a full panty and bra drop with full fondling and generous grinding during a standard LDA go-around.

Now Pandoras remains the gold standard, but Kittens is the winner in terms of LDA privacy. That’s because the LDA is individual curtained-off rooms. I’ve done VIPs at other clubs that have less privacy than the Kittens LDA. The combo of easy sluts and LDA privacy always make Kittens a must-go on any Seattle pervs go-to list. I’ve got some free time on a Saturday and decide to head over at opening (this was in mid-April).

I need a little caffein so I hit up the bikini coffee shack about a quarter of a mile from Kittens, Ladybug Espresso on Marginal Way. This place deserves a shout out because it’s one of the few bikini shacks in town where the girls work naked. It’s in a run-down industrial district surrounded some dumpy warehouses so no one gives a fuck. The place has a $10 drink minimum. In return for paying for a overpriced drink you get to ogle the naked chick working the stand. She’s already naked so the 20 I threw down was for some twerking action. These bikini shacks deserve more real reviews because it’s always just guys posting bullshit about them (“I needed some coffee and pulled up without realizing it was a bikini stand. Was surprised to see that she was naked.”) Who the fuck do these guys think they’re kidding. They go to perv on the naked chick working the stand, just like everyone who goes to these places does.

So it’s 11:30 now and I finally make it to the club. Parking is pretty shit like usual, because unlike Pandoras, which has its own dedicated parking lot, Kitten’s parking is basically shared parking with adjacent businesses. Strippers have to park off the side road to the right, and usually show up early to fight for the best parking. Just another saga in the Kittens stripper wars. Go in and am greeted by discount wannabe Tony Soprano (at least Tony Soprano was actually getting head.)This is something that Pandoras has always done right and Kittens drops the ball on. Pandoras will always get the 20-something perky tits and ass eye candy to work the bar / let the patrons in. Kittens goes with the c-lister mafia kingpin meatheads who apparently can never find a pair of slacks that fit and think fashion is a stripped shirt out of a 1970s made-for-tv movie. Pay the $10 cover and the $6 at the bar for the fake beer I don’t give a shit about and won’t drink. Time to settle in.

A petite AA is twerking on the stage. Good moves but nothing I’d spend LDA money on. At least she drops the panties. A couple of strippers there won’t go all the way on stage. Approached by a thick white chick with a fake laugh and even faker tits. Tries to sell me on VIP. Vague on the menu. Yeah, not falling for that scam. Agree on lap dance (40). We head back to a LDA room. Wait for next song to start and the bra and panties drop before we get started. A good sign. Some good fondling action and ass slapping. She’s watching the hand roaming a bit though and I can tell this is going nowhere. Another fake aspiring simp-bait IG model. She tries to keep dancing after the song ends so I have to shut that shit down fast. Shove the 40 in her hand and basically have to push her off my lap.