James Gandolfini Would Never Have Tolerated This

After a rather disappointing experience at nearby AJ's earlier in the day, I decided to stop by Satin Dolls later that evening, knowing full well that it would be in my best interests to keep my expectations low. It turns out that I did not keep them low enough.

I arrived around 10PM and the parking lot was very empty which was the first signal that this was probably a waste of time and money. Nevertheless, I went in anyway and saw 4 dancers and 3 customers congregated in one corner of the bar directly in front of the DJ booth and 4 other customers sitting considerably apart from one another around the rest of the rectangular bar. I grabbed my seat and looked around and saw 3 other dancers, none of whom were any better than a 5, IMO, and of course it figures that not long after I sat down I was approached by the worst of the 3, an overweight Hispanic brunette who apparently did not speak a word of English. I pretty much understood what she was saying but I couldn't get rid of her fast enough and, fortunately, she didn't linger for too long. Other than that and the bartender fulfilling my drink order, I was almost completely left alone the entire time that I was there and the same was more or less true for the other customers who were not part of that little entourage in the corner. Two of the four girls in that group were actually quite appealing and I would have been interested in a private dance with one or both of them, but neither of them gave anyone else in the place the time of day, let alone anything else. I have no idea what that little gathering was all about and if it was a bachelor party it was a very pathetic one because there were only 3 guys in the entire group. Apparently none of those girls were required to perform any stage time and there would be substantial time gaps between the stage sets of the other three so those of us who were not part of the mystery party spent most of our time there massaging our drinks and staring at any empty stage. I did not speak to any of the other customers, but based on body language and the WTF looks on their faces, I'm pretty sure there were all questioning their sanity for ever having set foot in this joint just like I was.

I hung around for close to an hour waiting to see if that group ever broke up so that I could speak to one of the two attractive girls, but then they took the entire bash upstairs to the VIP area so at that point I had absolutely no reason to stay a minute longer. The only positive about this whole experience was that there was literally no dollar parade since there was hardly anyone on stage - I believe I spent a total of $9 and $5 of that was on my drink. However, the combination of the experiences at AJ's and Satin Dolls on this day were just unfathomable. Ordinarily you get approached by every disgusting skank who can string two words together and tries to talk you into a private dance you don't want but, at both clubs on this particular day, all but a very select number of customers were essentially completely ignored. We all detest the Breathless-type dollar parade, but if you are leaving these types of places with a completely full wallet, what the hell is the point? Based on all of the reviews over the past several years, SD fails to deliver far more often than we leave ultimately satisfied and so I have no reason to recommend this place to anyone. Those from out of town who are interested in seeing the infamous Bada Bing club from the Sopranos and think the experience is going to be comparable are in for a rude awakening.