Again, with Feeling

Club details because the reviewers are absurd when it comes to this.

Open since March 12, 2003, Christie's Cabaret Baseline is located on Baseline Road just east of the I-10. Nestled in a lavish location next to the iconic Waffle House and the ramshackle Ramada Inn, Christie's Cabaret is your one stop shop for mandatory daytime cover charges, two-for-one specials, and the occasional half decent cover charge. For those who haven't seen a single other advertisement about Christie's and rely on the absolutely painstakingly detailed monger review to tell you about the texture of the carpet or the layout of each table, boy do I have the review for you.

Imagine you've just parked in one of about 60 parking spaces and locked your car door. You turn around and face Christie's, a beige and white art nouveau monstrosity baking in the Arizona sun. You pass through two heavily tinted, vaulted doors to enter a sepulchral lobby. Your nose is treated to the heady aroma of hand sanitizer, Simple Green floor cleaner, and the hostess's cheap perfume. A sign saying "masks required" catches your eye as you pay the cover. You stare at the floor, noticing for the first time the white and black diamond tile.