Assault on ye Fantasy Keep - Review of Fantasy Castle • 2800 Walnut Ave Signal Hill, CA 90755

The land of Signal Hill in ye province of California. Storming of ye olde Fantasy Castle. I ride fast and hard up to the the draw bridge. I was adorned in my coat of arms of pink shirt and blue jeans. A gargantuan manacing black knight hailing from the land of Africa errr perhaps Compton. He shouted “None shall pass!” I responded with grace, “My 9 inch saber says otherwise!” A duel we had! I bopped him on the head with my lance. But for being such a noble opponent I tucked 10 doubloons in his armor. I storm on ye Castle 🏰 and across a treacherous moat filled with merry drunks with many a ale in hand. On the left I went to relieve thyself. I come upon a legendary chamber pot troll of dastardly lore. I would relieve thyself swiftly and bypass this hideous beast with no eye contact and no doubloons spared. Inside the throne chamber, many fair maidens about. Some look like my pet goat from my manor. Many wearing breastplates of unknown, unnatural origin. Most bearing the crest of the Latina. One central throne and many a tables with built in torture air dance cages. Those were 10 doubloons my messenger hawk has informed me. I fought off many a foul beasts including a 50 year old white dragon with rancid fire 🔥 breath with my lance passed through many a generation (and of course with wise words of “Yeah I’m broke”) I had had enough. The Ale was not working. This threw me into a fit of rage. Then I gazed upon the fair and won wondrous named slender Guinevere, surname Sarah. She hailed from the land of Mexico. I ofcouse challenged her to a jousting match to determine the victor of all the knights in the land. She said it would 25 doubloons. Not here though the VIP tournament area. Much a privacy was given. As the tourney began I DREW MY 🗡 SWORD!!!!!!, (No I’m being told Sir Muddy had to keep sheathed never mind perhaps in the next tale!!!!) We jousted and I thrusted about, I struck down below and she parried, I lashed at her breastplate and struck with stunning swiftness. I thrusted and thrusted at her luscious buttocks until white rain 🌧 fell from the heavens. I was victorious. The damsel Guinevere bowed and bid me farewell. Also said “Ewww is your amor wet????” Indeed! Crowned the most noble and brave knight of all. I would be king of this Castle. And hailed for all time. Sound the trumpets!!!! Fantasy Castle sacked. Ball sacked.