Light On Fun, Heavy On Upsell

I'm used to pushy dancers, lousy service, and weak drinks, but they have to be over the top for it to actually ruin a visit at a strip club. Congratulations, Stars, you've hit it out of the park on all three at bats.

After the door troll took my money without making eye contact or making any attempt at being pleasant, I made my way to the side of the club to toss out my wristband and settle in for a moment. Before I could even sit down, I was hit up by two unattractive contractors who immediately blurted out how much fun we'd have in VIP. I declined and kept moving toward the restroom. I walked out, found a seat, and a waitress informed me that I'd have to order a drink or leave. Wait, what? Since when? And I just got here. Nevermind, I handed her a twenty with my order and she disappeared. While I waited for her return, my two old friends were back and sat down next to me. After about three or four dancer sets of politely declining their renewed offers of "fun in the VIP" and using just about every body language position I knew to scream go away, they informed me that I owed each of them $20 for chatting with me. Yeah, how about no on that one, too.

At that point, I got up and went to the bar to look for my waitress, who was busy chatting with another server. Instead of yelling at her for my drink, I informed her that I'd moved to the bar just in case she was wondering where I'd gone. At that point, she seemed to remember that I'd placed an order and rang it up. When my drink finally arrived, I asked for a five back, and she looked at me like I'd just pooped in my seat. Apparently, an eight dollar tip is warranted for shitty service. Who knew?