The Top U.S.-Style Club Around

This is one of the coolest clubs in the entire fucking world. Most of this review is from the archives. I was looking for something else in my notes, and realized I never posted a review for this place. The club is still there. Still has a website which gets updated once in awhile, and presumably is still fucking awesome. That this club still has zero reviews is borderline criminal, so I’m going with an old review is better than no review at all.

Teatro is the last place I hit after running through one end of Zurich to the other, so I just took in the experience with a Perfect 10 at my side. One 10 of several. Very nice exotic tail wall to wall. During nights there's a nominal cover (less than 20 CHF) and the place accepts Francs or Euros. They are definitely more interested in Francs, though, so be aware of that when deciding which currency to pick up. No, I don't research these things in advance. Speaking of money, one of the sillier (yet apt) questions that gets asked about clubbing in Europe is how to tip the girls. The Euro didn't have a bill under $5 and most of the European currencies (CHF included) are coins at lower denominations. So do you throw coins at the girls or what?

This is one of the nicest and best clubs I've ever seen. Hands down. It looked like a social club, with a cigar room and furniture that looked like it hailed from multiple different eras of coolness. Chaise loungers and a variety of styles, all with the backdrop of a modern looking bar and stage. The dancers didn’t appear to be in a hurry or in desperate need of a customer to talk with. Very laid back. There didn’t appear to be a set rotation, and the stage was informally in the center of the space but not exactly on the stage. The song and dance routine I remember was done to “Talk Show Host” by Radiohead, and the dancer was backlit and totally in control of her movements and stage presence. She stripped down in perfect rhythm, and when I hear the song from time to time I can still see her performance as she almost sang the lyrics with her body.