15/44

I may have indicated in a few other reviews of Portland strip clubs that when I moved here three years ago, it was with ambition to open my own strip club. I'm confident that I could own and operate a club with integrity, ethics, high standards, impeccable service, quality dancers, something fresh and new that no other Portland strip club offers, and above all treat the dancers as they ought to be treated.

Without taking over any of my favorite clubs in the city, or wishing them out of business, or building my own club from the foundation up, if there was one club that I could take over and have my own strip club, it would be Safari. The proximity to the (SPOILER ALERT AHEAD) best clubs in Portland would be an automatic boost. Location Location Location. The enormous parking lot, although it needs drastic upgrade would be needed to accommodate all the people that would be coming to my club. The entire club would be gutted and all that dead space to the right when you walk in would be put to use. The ancient furniture would all be replaced. Everything would be over-hauled. There would not be a single thing that I keep. It would be completely unrecognizable as it is now. And it would no longer be named Safari.

Despite that, Safari as it is now, is still good enough to be ranked at #15 of the 44 clubs in Portland.