WTF just happened?

A wise marionette once said, "There's three kinds of people in this world: dicks, pussies, and assholes." I'd had a long, hard week of dealing with the 1st & 3rd, and I really needed to see a bit of the 2nd. Other stops had proven futile so I decided to give it one last go here despite being close to the end of my budget for recreational activity. Before I even walked in, a woman outside the front door (street clothes - dancer waiting for a ride after shift?) asked me something in such a thick KY accent that I couldn't understand it. Three repeats later and I was finally able to decipher that she was asking which of two college teams I favored. "Neither. Sorry." I went in.

Wow. Another dive bar that just happens to have a small stage and some women in lingerie, not that I saw anyone on stage during the visit. Stood there for at least 30 seconds while I decided whether to just turn around and leave. My back teeth were floating, so I asked where the lav was. One of the three ladies who looked (and dressed) like typical grandmothers working the bar pointed me in the right direction. Several people, including a middle age couple, took up most of the seats at the bar. Didn't see anybody at any of the various tables, so I found an empty bar seat and sat down.

I only saw three dancers: an AA who did nothing for me, another dancer who was so not-my-type that I deliberately forgot what she looked like, and a heavy-set Latina who had a pretty face compared to the others. All three were absolutely not my type. :( The dancers seemed to alternate between hanging with what appeared to be regulars and going to/returning from someplace in the back with a customer. Seemed like some of the grandmothers occasionally went back to check on things, but I wasn't paying close attention.

For several minutes, I continued to debate just leaving. The AA approached, asked if I wanted a dance, gave me the low-down on the pricing: $20/song table-side, something above $100 for the back room. Tuned it out. "No thanks." She insisted then that there was a 1-drink minimum. Replied that I'd order when one of the bartenders came over. The AA went away and talked to one of the bartenders who promptly came over and took my order for a coke. Nursed it for a while and was just about to leave when the Latina came straight for me. Strong accent, but she described the same price structure plus a $60 option that was sounded like between the other two in terms of privacy, duration and fun. Asked about nudity. Topless for the $20/$60 options; had to go in the back for nude. Said no thanks. Then she said something about doing a secret nude dance for $20. Chalk it up to frustration, fatigue, or it just being forever since I'd seen any stripper snatch, but something in my brain informed me that there were suddenly different degrees of "absolutely not my type" so I said "ok."

She took me to pay one of the grandmas for the dance then led me one of those 60s style chairs that looks like you're sitting in an egg. Had a great view of the bar but in a part of the bar that was so dark it seemed like no one could see us. Asked if we'd start on the next song. She said something about this one not counting yet as she sat me down, turned around, and pulled down her g. So dark I couldn't really see, but at least she was keeping her word. Maybe my eyes would adjust. She pulled up the g and stated the lap dance. A lot of grind, great nuzzling, good OTP SS. Couldn't believe this dancer so not my type at all was doing anything for me, but it was working. She kept on her bodice but as my hands moved up, she pulled out her tits and put my hands there. Surprised a woman of that size had tits so small, but the nipples responded really well. The partial song ended, so I asked if this was song #1. She said yes. Okay. Sat back to enjoy. She got up, turned around, and dropped the g again. Put my hand on her ass but she moved it where she wanted. WOW. Without giving too much more detail, things remained interesting even though she stayed entirely OTP. The dance continued for the full song and when I tried to excuse myself, she pushed me back into the chair and insisted we keep going. Happened at least once more, so I got 3+ songs for the price of one. She kept trying to upsell me on the back w/ promises of much more. She played hurt when I declined but that just seemed to increase her resolve to keep trying to persaude me.