HaHaHa... try it ONCE.

Okay, so I try to visit every club with terrible reviews. Maybe I'm an optimist. (Or maybe I just have some creepy infatuation for screwing around with ugly whores?) Either way, I visited this place a couple weeks ago. The first word that comes to mind is TACKY. Now keep in mind, one of my favorite places is Bottoms Up in Irvington so believe me, I know something about "tacky." Well, Jiggles takes the cake. At first I thought there were about 6 lap dance booths across from the bar, but then I realized that the tinsel hanging down was just Christmas decoration on the wall.

There were two "girls" there. I put it in quotes because it's not correct to call 50 year old crackheads "girls." The bartender was an older dude, could have been the owner, I don't know. Attentive, but definitely unfriendly. Think about a bus driver who drives safely, is always on time, but never smiles or jokes with his customers, not even the ones who ride every day for 15 years. That's him.

The "dancers" never danced. One was a big, fat, old hog with a stomach bigger than mine and a face that could make a grown man cry right at the bar. She walked down my way once, and I gave her $1 dollar out of pity. That was the only dollar I spent, other than for beer and a tip for the bus driver. The other disgusting old whore was aggressively tongue kissing an equally disgusting male customer at the bar. But every once in a while she would stand up on the bar rail, direct herself toward me (about 6 seats away) and pull up her top exposing her old, wrinkled, sagging tits with big, red, misshapen nipples. If I had been closer I'm pretty sure I could have confirmed they had gray hair on 'em. Then she would yell at me, "Hey stop looking at my tits!" Then flash me again and say, "You like those titties boy!" (Keep in mind, I'm 50 years old and she calls me "boy.")