This is, without a doubt, the...

This is, without a doubt, the strangest club I have ever been in. It includes a number of ancillary businesses, such as a barber shop, a shoeshine stand, car wash (with oil changes available), limo service (to VIP members), a cigar/novelty store and a roving masseuse. The problem is that all of this stuff detracts from the dancing on stage. The main stage is set up perpendicular to part of the main seating area. There are two smaller stages, each about the size of a big trampoline. ON the weeknight that I attended, one of the smaller stages (called "satellite stages) was in use, as well as the main stage. The club is obviously trying to pass itself off as a gentlemen's club, and failing miserably. WIth the staff in ill-fitting black clothes (I couldn't tell if I was watching a bad 1980s Talking Heads video, or the casting call for extras in "Platoon,", and the bathroom attendant who had no idea what a bathroom attendant does (I have no problem with an attendant, but he is supposed to do something other than lay a hand towel over your shoulder and say, "The towel is over your shoulder"), this club seems to have been set up along the lines of what a group of 17 years old boys would like would make up a "really classy place."

Now, on to the main attraction. The dancers are in a tight range of 6-8, with a couple of 5s and one 9. This club is something of an anomaly, as it is full nude and has a full bar (well, serves alcohol). It certainly is full nude, since the dancers put the goods within a couple inches of your face...all the more remarkable because of the fact that there is no touching by customers, although there is a moderate amount by the dancers. Of the four dancers I spent time with, the most intimate contact was stroking John Thomas through the pants...with the dancer looking around furtively, then at me, as if to say, " I'm bending a lot of rules here...tip accordingly." There is a bouncer who patrols the lap dance area on what is essentially a constant basis. I didn't see any dances on the main floor. Couch dances are done in a room outfitted with banquettes that have hight sides, so there is a little privacy from the other customers (probably ten seats total in the room), but not from Obergruppenfuerher Bouncer. There is also a VIP room which is supposedly truly private, with no surveillance by HIM. That is $35/hr to the house, plus whatever deal you cut with the dancer. I did not go back there, but got the impression that the privacy would have to have some intrinsic value to you, because I don't think the contact was going up. COuch dances are $25/song. Every hour they run a promotion that includes dances 2/$25, plus one of their ancillary services (free haircut, carwash, etc) that you don't want anyway. During these promotions, every dancer in the house has to parade on, then off of, the stage, then solicit customers in the crowd. This aspect of the promotion was useful, since I got to see every dancer, and could make sure that I had gotten a dance from every dancer I was interested in (I did).

I didn't see any dancers who I would characterize as "fugly", although there were a couple who I thought had been dancing for a couple of years longer than they should have. I got dances from four dancers....Misty, 30 but looks 24, strawberry blonde, trim figure...Casey, looks like Cybil Shepherd, nice personality, cute little figure...Kayt, 22, redhead, also trim, very athletic figure...didn't notice the multiple piercings until I had asked for the dance, and might have reconsidered...Aphrodite, the "10" referenced above, half Thai, but looks Latin, with long black hair, about 22. The website shows 16 dancers, of whom I would be interested in getting a dance from about six...the same ratio applied to the dancers at the club. I didn't see much silicone, which is a plus. Despite the diverse dancers pictured on the website, almost all of the dancers I saw were midwestern blondes, mostly of average or thin build.