I went on a road trip...

I went on a road trip to Missouri to find out whether strip club laws were as restrictive as I had heard. The good news: Yes, Missouri strippers take their tops off and are capable of giving excellent lappers. The bad news (and it's not that bad): the same club can't offer both topless dancers and alcohol, so if you want to see titties, you can't drink.

I visited both Club Vogue and Rumors Cabaret on a Monday night, expecting (based on reviews I'd read) to like Vogue better. However, Rumors was by far the better experience -- see my review. Club Vogue is located in a sketchy neighborhood on Business Loop 70 East, which runs along the club's rear -- the front is on a little side street parallel to BL 70 E. The club is in the middle of a row of rundown old buildings, not much to look at on the outside and not much better on the inside.

I arrived at opening time, 6:00, and paid no cover. No waitress came around to take my order, so I also ordered nothing to drink. I watched all four dancers -- three white, one black, none of them particularly memorable -- as they made their stage appearances: two songs, the second one topless. There is some sort of special on private dances every weeknight -- on Monday it's two-for-$25 -- so I took the prettiest of the four upstairs to a semi-private area for a couple of dances. I could touch anything except the G-string area but nothing special happened.