This club has been around for...

This club has been around for a little over two years now. It is located between the small towns of Toledo and Neoga. It is inside the former Pioneer School, a long-defunct elementary school. When the club first started out, it made national news, due to the fact that some of the locals were not happy about the place they had gone to elementary school was now becoming a peel joint. The main club area is the former cafeteria. The teacher’s lounge is a room for private parties. Most of the building was not even being used, leaving this club a lot of space for future development. The biggest thing hurting this club is the location. It is literally out in the middle of nowhere, not even in a town. Probably most of the people that do know about The School House are from the local towns of Effingham, Mattoon, and Charleston.

The club is open 9pm to 3am Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. The cover is $10 if you arrive before 11pm. After 11pm, the cover rises to $15. No alcohol or drinks are served. The club is BYOB. Only beer in cans can be brought in. No hard liquor or bottled beer is allowed. You must check your beer in at a counter in the corner of the main room and get it as you drink it from the BYOB attendant. If you drink soda, you will need to bring that as well because the only thing the club has is bottled water. At least you don’t have to deal with or tip any pesky waitresses. There is no smoking inside, but a patio to smoke on is available. The stage is a fenced in area of the cafeteria. It is not elevated at all. Dancers are at floor level. There are two poles. Private dances are $20 and done in a side room which is divided into about four or five booths with a couch. They are partially covered by a curtain, but never entirely. The bathroom was a little creepy because it was clearly designed for boys. The urinals and sinks were closer to the ground than at most places. The music was rock and hip hop. There was no thug factor because this club is in the middle of corn and soybeans.

The quality of dancers was a little lower than I was hoping, but considering you are in the middle of nowhere; you have to lower your standards a bit. I’d say the best looking girl was a 7.5, and the ugliest girl was probably a 5. At least none were in the 1-4 range. Most girls were white, with the exception of a token black girl. Most of the ladies were a bit older than I prefer: the late twenties range. Only a couple were in that 23-24 sweet spot. Stage contact was better than at most strip clubs. The dancers would come over the rail and give you close to a minute of action for a buck or two.