The name is appropriate. From...

The name is appropriate. From the moment you drive up to the parking lot of this club, which is right on US 1, it shouts “bare”, “shoddy” and “dilapidated”: the lights illuminating the words “Bare Necessity” are only half working outside. The club interior also is really rundown, in the worst condition yet of clubs I have ventured into since moving to Miami. I arrived at 10 pm on Saturday night, and upon entering (the club had a $0.00 cover), I quickly understood why admission was free. Amazingly, on a Saturday night, I was one of two customers there, and for a while after the only other customer (an older gentleman) left, I was the only customer there. Notably, the dancers did not seem to think this was out of the ordinary. They all told me this was normal for this club which does not get going “until 3 am”. Apparently, this club is open until 7:30 am on the weekends while others nearby close around 5 so it gets the after-after-club crowd. Interesting if true but I was not going to wait and find out. What was not open to debate was that everything in the club was second rate, from the tv screens with poor static-riddled reception, to the scratched tables and cheap chairs, to the cheesy spotlights , to the poor muffled sound system. Also, the dancers were more interested in ordering fast food, and amazingly eating it in the club at the customer tables, than chatting with customers. I met one pleasant (if slightly portly) Spanish dancer, but she was the only dancer there (of the eight working) interested in talking. There was a mix of black, white, and latina of the those working, but the ages ranged from 25 to 55, which is just not enjoyable on the older end to see dancing. There were four poles around a bar on one stage, with a few tables scattered to the side. Annoyingly, the dance sets ended very quickly and the dancers would solicit me (basically the only customer) after every dance set, which seemed to be every 5 minutes. In less than an hour, I had tipped these girls $15 for sub-par dances. Drinks were typically priced. Dances ranged from $10 for table, to $40 for private dances, to $25 lap dances which were not in a private area. The dancers were mostly sad and depressed looking, 1s, 2s and 3s, with the lone happy Spanish one being about a 6-6.5, and generally they were all out of shape. The only saving grace was the attractive bartender; if it were not for her, the night would have been a complete bust. Needless to say, she did not provide me with sufficient motivation to return.