First time to this place, went...

First time to this place, went in on a Thursday night around 8pm. Prior reviews are accurate about the seating and layout—kind of weird. In general, the Crazy Horse has brighter ambient lighting and quieter music than the typical L.A. club. You can actually see and hear everything that’s happening; you can make eye contact with other patrons, you can chat easily with the ladies.

Three tips about sitting near the stage. I tried a few experiments, and the ladies actually give you a bit more attention if you tip $2 instead of $1. Boy, for such a small investment, consider plunking down $2 or $3 of $4 each time, and they really will spend more time with you than the $1 guy. I had a wad of twenty $1 bills in my pocket, so this went a long way. Second tip, when you seat yourself, try to avoid sitting directly across from another guy. For one thing, you’ll be staring awkwardly at him during each break. But for another thing, offset, diagonal seating will mean the girl has to work her way up and down the runway to focus on both of you guys, and you’ll get to see a bit more movement and variety. Third tip, try smiling. I experimented with this too. There were probably ten serious-looking guys when I showed up, then a guy came in and had a smile on his face the whole time. He was making eye contact with every girl, nodding, smiling, and striking up a conversation when the girl would crawl down from the stage to grind on his lap. I started smiling too and it seemed to turn up the attention level I was getting from the girls.

Anyway, let’s talk about the dances. I went in with two goals: first, to sample each kind of dance, and second, to have an O. I wasn’t leaving without coming. So I had a 20 tucked away for the clothes-on dance, then 40 in the other pocket for my topless dance, and a 100 stashed and ready for the 3-song nude dance in the private room. The 20 was my appetizer, and I picked a curvy Mediterranean looking gal named Mystique, in her long black slinky cocktail dress that hugged every inch of her body. She took me into the back where she had to scan in some computer thing next to an enormous bouncer dude. The open dance area is a big “bullpen” with a U-shaped couch. She did kind of a nice, conversational lapdance and allowed my hands to roam. I told her it was my first time there and I was just going to try everything on the menu. Very nice lady, nothing too steamy, but a fun $20 dance. Then I spent some more time at the stage and tried to think about my next target.