discussion comment
12 years ago
Thanks for everyone's thoughts on this.
lopaw: Am I going to give her the same birthday gift? I offered, she declined. When we were first married, she actually was thinking about an open marriage and I declined. We've both been faithful (I have absolutely zero doubts about her). Over time, she's gotten less interested in outside pursuits, and I've gotten more interested.
driver01: See above, this is absolutely not about her easing her own guilt.
Alucard: Am I being truthful about getting permission? Completely. Why even raise the subject here otherwise?
jackslash and others: Is she testing me? I really doubt it. We're both pretty direct about what we want and don't want, and don't have to resort to indirect approaches to get it. Now a different question is whether she really will be OK with it, or whether she is offering knowing that I won't (or can't!) follow through. Maybe.
Which brings me to georgemicrodong's comment: Yes, I think discussing it with her, and gaming out the possible outcomes is a good idea. The deal is that it happens once, it's safe (condom), and I discuss it with her afterward. It's probably a good idea to have a conversation: "let's assume this is the next day and I've actually slept with someone. How do you feel about it?"
Civilians vs. pros: My wife and I haven't discussed the "pro" option, and in fact I hadn't considered it. Knowing that I'll be discussing details with her afterward, there is really no alternative. The very first topic is going to be: how did you meet, who made the first move, etc.