pornwannabe5

I should have stopped at one last night but for your exact reasoning kept going (didn't want the girl to feel bad). What is worse is I went for 5, haha, so that is really stupid on my part. But I am still learning. I need to get in the mindset that this is all about me since I am paying and need to like what I am paying for. Good thing the dances were only $10/per. Plus she was one of the few good looking ones last night (which is back to that article from the other day).

"Good job self. You have managed to completely embarrass yourself and make a complete ass of yourself once again." Sorry for the long post (I did put a warning...). I am analytical by nature; my education, career, etc requires it. And I can't turn it off outside of that; what I wrote is exactly what was going through my head almost word for word. I actually frequently keep myself awake all night with no sleep because I can't turn my brain off (once a month at least). With the comment about watching my heart, I know it's nothing to do with my heart, it's all my brain. I completely understand that I am not falling in love with this girl (hence why I wouldn't frequently visit to prevent that accidently happening) and just enjoyed the brief time we spent together. I just wanted to think that it was mostly genuine and not all about $$$; I know the vast majority of it was obviously about money, but it didn't all have to be. I would never ask for anything outside of the club, but if it was her idea, who knows what I would say. I think the experience was just something I had to get off my chest and now that I did, I'm set for quite a long time - unless somehow I ran into a certain someone a few months from now and was told when and where she would be. I should have just enjoyed the experience and not posted anything, but after trying to stop myself twice, I couldn't help it. I won't be going back here (or anywhere) any time soon probably, though if I somehow ran into her somewhere else (club or otherwise) it would not be a bad thing at all. There is good news after reading all of this though: I am no longer overanalyzing my experience from last night (just thinking about it), and now analyzing how I shouldn't have posted anything and making an idiot of myself. So now that I'm thoroughly embarrassed, I'm going to go hide in the corner and "will" this post to leave the homepage and hope that nobody figures out who I am (longshot I know, but you never know who visits websites). :-)