Poop Story: Part One

So, back a great many years now (2011 I think)...I was trying the Atkins diet. And, while on this diet, there's this "side effect" where if you have the urge to "poo"...you need to "poo" quickly or else you may poo in your pants. There's an urgency issue, let's just leave it at that.

So, I stopped in this strip club in Indiana while there for a paintball event...one of the best times I've ever had in a strip club due to a stripper that gave amazing lap dances....but I digress. The "problem" is...I had an urgent need...at some point after arriving...to "poo".

Now, a strip club is never a great place to take a crap. No matter what your situation or diet...it's just not. The bathrooms are usually disgusting and guys usually just go in there and piss all over the place and whack off and God knows what. I go in there to piss and get out as soon as possible. But, THIS time....I had a dilemma. I needed to go poo...and I couldn't leave and come back or anything like that.

So, I went into the bathroom and there was one stall.

Problem #1: It didn't have a door.

You got to be kidding me! I gotta take a crap with no door on the stall!! And this is an Atkins crap...these things aren't pleasant to the nose. And this stall...this wasn't off in the corner...it was lined up in a way that it was the first thing you see when you walk in the bathroom.

But, I had no choice. It was either in the stall with no door...or the parking lot.

Problem #2: When the door to the bathroom opened...I could see the show...and they could see me.

It turns out that when alligning the bathroom stall with the bathroom door...and removing the stall door...the amazing civil engineers at this strip club created quite the little mini-show for the rest of the patrons. Whenever the door opened, anybody who cared to look in could have a clear view of me taking a dump.

Now, this dilemma was embarrassing enough...but it got worse as it came time to wipe and I now needed to time my wiping with the door opening. It's one thing to be sitting down, cowering in fear as the door opened. It's another thing altogether to be standing up wiping your ass, on full display, as the door opens.

The only good news was that Atkins poos tend to be quick and relatively easy to clean up...so I was in and out. And, like I said, the overall experience in the club was above average due to a dancer that gave one of the best lap dances I've experienced. But...unfortunately...I'll always remember that club as the place I was bent over in fear as the bathroom door swung open and there I was in "all my glory" for a club full of strip club patrons to see.