Five basics for beginners.

When I first set foot in a strip club nearly 30 years ago, I was physically shaking. I was a sheltered kid from the middle of nowhere and had never worked up the courage to even ask a girl out on a date much less imagine myself at a club. Within 30 minutes, my friends had bought me my first lap dance and for the first time, I saw a naked woman up close and personal.

What I didn't know, however, was how to be a good customer - things it took me years to figure out. So here's a brief list of the most important things I learned, slowly, the hard way.

1. Do tip the dancers. They actually pay the club to work there, so you need to pay them for their time. This means you need to bring cash - preferably a fair amount of it - for tipping, buying dances, buying drinks, etc. Don't go to a club looking for a bargain. Nobody, from the dancers to the door guy, likes a cheapskate.

2. Do treat others with kindness and respect. Treating the people you encounter with the same kindness with which you would like to be treated is never a bad move. Will everyone return the favor? No. But there's no reason to be a dick. So don't be a dick.

3. Do buy drinks and tip your servers/bartenders. Don't stiff them - word will travel among the staff and dancers, I promise.

4. Do buy private dances, if you want to. Don't feel pressured to do so, though, if you're not interested in the dancer.

5. Do follow the dancer's lead with regard to touching. Don't pinch or grab any body part unless specifically instructed to do so. Soft touches are key (provided they're allowed.) NEVER touch a dancer's genitals unless she has made it absolutely clear that it's OK for you to do so.

So there you have it - a very brief intro for the absolute beginner. I hope this helps someone.