Grossest Thing You've Done at a Strip Club

So back in late 2010 I was on the Atkins diet and it makes you have, well, for the sake of this story and vulgarity, lets just call it a "BM" (bowel movement) and you don't have much "time" when the urge presents itself.

So I arrive at a club and just as I get there...a sudden urge! So, despite strip club mens rooms being dastardly gross...I ventured inside to relieve myself. As I get there, I notice that the bathroom has no door! And, the stall has no door! Only one sit down toilet. I have to make do! So, I put down some paper and as I'm doing my business I realize something else, you can see the toilet from inside the club. I actually could watch the stage show while taking a dump. Very embarrassing though. There I am dropping a deuce while other clubgoers and dancers can walk by and see me in all my glory.

Fast Forward.

So I go to a club in Cali and on my way there, well, the urge strikes me. I quickly go inside and head straight for the bathroom. I don't have time to even paper the toilet and just let loose. It's a one toilet bathroom and the urinal was out of order. The bathroom had a door but I had to hold it shut. So as I was doing that, I finished rather quickly. I figured I still might make it out of there with my dignity intact. I go to get some toilet paper...no toilet paper! I look around frantically hoping there's a spare roll somewhere...but no. All there is is a cardboard roll with a tiny piece of paper stuck to it. So I do the unthinkable! Out of severe desperation, I pull a folded piece of toilet paper from the trash and use it to wipe my ass.

I then hurried into the bar area and asked for some napkins with my drink. She gives me ONE napkin. I go back into the bathroom, wipe with the napkin.

So, there it is. Some people think that performing oral on a stripper is the grossest and most reckless thing you can do in a strip club...because who knows how many guys have been in there that night and who knows what kind of diseases she has, etc... No. Not even close. From personal experience, the grossest thing you can ever do at a strip club...is being forced to take a piece of toilet paper out of the garbage and wipe your ass with it.