This is the lamest club in...

This is the lamest club in the solar system. When a downtown Detroit event is drawing crowds, we expect the clubs to have some action to attract customers. The Detroit Auto Show is in full swing, but this downtown club is empty. I stopped in on Thursday, January 21, 2010 at 1:00pm for a late lunch.

While waiting to check my coat at the unattended check room, a doorman invited me in and told me to seat myself. No coat check and no cover. I saw two or three customers at the bar and found myself a table. I was the only customer in the place seated at a table and the stage was empty while the female DJ announced coming attractions.

A waitress brought my beer and left the menu I requested. After paying for the beer I never saw her again. Three songs played while the stage was empty. “Passion” was introduced and I beheld the flatest chest I’ve seen since the fifth grade. She writhed, worked the pole and walked around. I waited to see what would happen next. Lo and behold an even uglier and flatter “dancer” appeared.

Now I’ve been sitting here for five songs and no one has taken my lunch order. I left—no fled—this dump ASAP. Rumors are that the owner of this club owns the whole block, including the Mexican restaurant, the parking lot, the bar and grill and other establishments. ( He is also reputedly the worst slumlord in Detroit.) The overflow, if any, from the gambling casino right across the street may give him the false illusion that he has a ready market of customers for this dump. Boy is he wrong.

When I think of all the entrepreneurs who could make this place a really great club, I am angered that this business is one more marginal, empty and boring Detroit establishment damaging the city’s reputation. Only mob money, money laundering or bribery could keep this place open.