I’ve been to strip clubs in...

I’ve been to strip clubs in out-of-the-way places, but they are nothing like Bugsy’s Speakeasy, and I mean that in a good way. I had to drive about 45 minutes from my hotel in the Cleveland suburb of Middleburg Heights to the city of Elyria, and I remember that trip more vividly than most of my trips to other stripclubs. First of all, I went to Bugsy’s during the fall, and I saw forest after beautiful forest of turning leaves and verdant rolling hills. This may be an economically depressed area of the Rust Belt, but naturally it’s beautiful. After I exited I-80 (which is a toll road, so have some money on hand) and weaned through some side streets, I came across a town square. It was prototypical Americana: autumn setting, a town clock, narrow streets, low-slung buildings. And one of the storefronts happens to be a stripclub. Awesome! If, after the movie It’s A Wonderful Life, George Bailey was describing to his friends what Pottersville looked like, a bikini bar like Bugsy’s would be the only thing he would want to add to Bedford Falls.

There is free diagonal parking on both sides of the street. The guy checking my ID didn’t ask for a cover the day I went. You look at a narrow but deep bar with no windows. Walk to the middle; there’s a very long stage to your left, the actual bar to the right. In the back is the lap dance area; think booths at a restaurant. The other thing I noticed is the numerous pictures of Marilyn Monroe. I don’t think of her as a gangster’s pinup, but if the owner loves the icon, I would’ve called the club something else, like DiMaggio’s Heartbreak.

There was only one reason why I drove all the way out to Elyria, and why I vacationed in Cleveland: TUSCL member evilcyn. While I waited patiently to ask girl after girl on stage who their name was after they pulled down their tops and sat on my lap, I finally came upon Cyn, a gentle willow of a dancer with long brown hair and an engaging personality. I felt weird introducing myself to her, but she was all smiles and made me feel at home. She came recommended from other TUSCLers, so I went all-in and asked her to go to the VIP, which is $40 payable to the bartender and $20 for as many dances as you want in 15 minutes. The VIP is actually in a partially walled-off area to the left of the front door; it’s like it’s in a display window with the windows blacked out. Brothers, I have to tell you that Cyn is as excellent as advertised. She’s great not just for the way she sensuously moved her yoga-toned body on me but also for our conversation during our dance – just two middle-aged people sharing this intersection in our journeys on this earth. And since dayshift was kind of slow, we also talked after our 5-dance VIP at the bar. She is simply awesome for both a GFE and a HASE. Guys, make a special trip and see her. How many times can you get private, intense lap dances not from a girl but an actual WOMAN, someone you can have an intelligent conversation about politics and life with?