Fun things come in small (expensive) packages
This was my first visit to Hawaii, so I decided to see about delving deep within all of its treasures.
Hawaii By Night is a very interesting place. Very small, very limited seating, but it’s a hell of a show.
As you walk along Royal Hawaiian, you’ll see a yellow sandwich sign in the middle of the sidewalk advertising the club. I followed the instructions and headed down an alley and up a flight of stairs to an open room that looks like the entrance to a run down check cashing shack. Not very appealing. Then as I walked up to the cashier I saw a dancer with only a pair of heels and a smile on…. Aloha.
I paid the $10 cover, got a quick pat down, and had a stamp placed on the inside of my wrist, and walked on in.
It’s basically 2 rooms; the entrance where the cashier and front desk are, and the main room. The main room has 5-6 small rooms (without doors) along the Northeast and Southeast walls and a dancing area(?) that takes up the majority of the northwest wall.
I call it an area because it’s not a stage, but rather floor level, but with 2’ walls all along the perimeter of the dance area kind of like a hockey rink. Surrounding the walls on the outside of the dance area are some of the most worn out and dilapidated cushions I’ve ever seen. Even Goodwill wouldn’t accept these as a donation. They’re in ROUGH condition.
Along the NE, SE, and SW walls are a number of IKEA worthy sets of high top tables complete with 3 chairs each. I’d estimate that there’s seating for about 15-20 people in there, so customers and dancers are continuously playing musical chairs throughout the night. Makes things fluid and definitely not stagnant.
Beware of the seats along the SW wall of the club (same wall as the front desk/cashier). There a large mini split A/C unit there that condensates like a can of Sapporo in the Hawaiian heat. You will get dripped on if you’re not careful (In more ways than one).
The small private dance areas all look like old half bathrooms that have a slightly recessed bench… and that’s it. No beads, no doors, no privacy.
I was quoted with a few offers, but they were mostly consistent at $60/song, $100 for 2. Oh btw gas was $4.69 per gallon. Island prices are wild.
The dance area has 2 poles that get decent use. In the beginning of the night they’ll have one dancer go and do a set of 2 songs and as the night goes on, they transition to 2 dancers at a time doing 3 songs; most got fully nude during the last song.
Dollar bills go a long way (not to be captain fkn obvious), but more so here than any other club I’ve ever been to. Throwing 10 ones in a quick shower of George Washington’s on a dancer will unlock a horizontal and a vertical smile for you and a perhaps a pucker or two from separate orifaces. One dollar will earn you a hardy glance and a ***Money fingers*** gesture. Chalk that up as well to Honolulu’s insane cost of living.
There’s 3 or 4 bouncers that constantly patrol the small club. One of them always has a microphone and basically plays MC and likes to call out gawkers. Peer pressure at its finest to throw a few ones on the ‘stage’. They also constantly patrol for empty cups and phones. If your phone is out, it needs to be flat on the table. Completely understandable.
As far as the dancers go, there’s a good mix of flavors. AA, Asian, Latina, White, Bolt-ons, BBL, Natural, Thicc, Thin, tattoos, no tattoos, gamer nerd, etc. One dancer had a fun piece of jewelry plugged up to show everyone her talents.
My favorite approach of the night from one of the dancers was a very straight forward, “Want to see my b***hole”. No beating around the bush there. It’s just a fun atmosphere in a super run down building.
I never did get a dance, but I had plenty of the fun at the rail and from one of the high top chairs when I could find one that was available.
HBN isn’t the most clean or well-maintained club I’ve ever been to, but it was super fun and worth an hour or 2 of getting to know Hawaii… by night.
