Timmy... You're Not In Texas Anymore

Thanks to a spontaneous business trip, I found myself in Minnesota last week. This was my first time in this state, so (naturally) I wanted to sample the local scene. Typically, most of my mongering is in Texas, Florida, and TJ. But as I travel quite often, I’d like to think I’ve grown adept at curbing my expectations whenever I’m not in any one of the aforementioned three, so hopefully this review isn’t too harsh or biased.

I was staying in Downtown Minneapolis, which is apparently the area with the highest concentration of SCs within this whole state. It was 1:30 a.m. on a Saturday, and a quick Google search told me that this club was open the latest (4:30 a.m.). I hopped in an Uber, and a short 5-minute ride later I arrived. The exterior is nothing special; simply your run-of-the-mill club with a large orange/red neon sign on the side, and a pink/white awning on the front. It's situated in a seemingly-busy area, with a large hotel directly across the street, and a few divey-looking bars adjacent (to the club). The area was well-lit, and looked safe enough. The front entrance faces a major street, so there is no parking out front, except for several curbside meters found on both sides of the street. I did see signs for a parking lot located behind the club, but as I Ubered, I can’t advise as to any of its aspects.

Through the front entrance, you’ll follow a large straight hallway, where you’ll be greeted by two friendly bouncers. One will ask you to empty your pockets into a dish before proceeding through a metal detector, and the other will collect your $14 cover. From what I saw, no pat-downs were performed; only the metal detector and a wand were in use. It’s in this hallway that you will also find the first set of restrooms; no attendant, and mediocre with regard to cleanliness. Entering the club, you’re on the first floor, where you’ll immediately run into the only “bar” within this club; there is a mandatory one-drink purchase. This is also where you’ll be given a stamp for re-entry, and it is also where you can exchange bills for $1s (no charge for the exchange). The options range from cups of soda (free refills) for $5, to bottled water ($7) and Red Bull ($9). Zero alcohol is sold or allowed here, as Minneapolis city limits cannot serve alcohol or allow BYOB in any SC that is fully-nude or 18+, of which this club is both. Once I grabbed my soda, I turned around to take-in the club, as from this vantage point you can perfectly see the first floor’s entire layout. With your back to the “bar”, from left-to-right the layout is as follows: the entrance through which you just came, the DJ booth, approximately 25 medium-sized couches (lining the wall), a large stage, the dancers’ dressing room, an elevator, the smoking patio, stairs to the upper levels, and another set of restrooms (no attendant) with an ATM just outside of them. Also, there are roughly 60 tables sprinkled throughout the first floor; no charge to sit at any of them, and there are no waitresses making rounds, only security staff occasionally coming by to clean-up empty drinks.