This is my second review here. This is also a review on the first stripclub I ever visited. I'm compelled to write this review as a warning. New Orleans ladies is currently closed. However, the word is they are reopening under the same owners. Therefore, I want to warn everyone who even might consider going to stay away.
This story takes place 3 years ago. I was a young man fresh out of college. And like any young man I wanted to see titties and drink beer. So I headed over to New Orleans Ladies. I know guide lines dictate I give as much information regarding the layout of the club and the music being played. Unfortunately I don't really remember that. Even more unfortunately I remember everything else about that night. Immediately after being patted down and walking in I was approached by what can only be described as a land whale who asked me if I wanted a VIP dance for 600 dollars. While at the time I didn't know any stripclub lingo I did know two things. 1, She was most likely the ugliest woman I had ever laid eyes on and that's saying something if you live in lousiana. 2, I was definitely not spending 600 dollars. So I very politely told her to fuck off.
After that I went to the bar. I needed a drink before and definitely needed one after my run in with the whale. I asked for a beer and was told that it would cost me 3 dollars. I handed over a 10 as I wanted to save my ones over to a woman who was in her mid 40s and had a face that looked like a stretch of bad road. I waited a moment for her to grab my beer and change. When I didn't get my change I politely but firmly asked for it. I'm very comfortable with telling people to do what I want. But I also knew, despite this being my first time in a stripclub, that whenever you interact with a bartender you want to be polite. Always good to have bartenders and bouncers on your side. She tried to play dumb and told me that I had given her exact change but I wasn't going to let 7 dollars go away. I once again firmly told her to give me my change. With an expression similar to a child being caught with their hand in the cookie she handed me my change. Now I know some readers are already thinking that after I saw these two obvious very large red flags of the whale and dishonest bartender I surely would have enough common sense to leave. Sadly I didn't. I had already payed my 10 dollars cover and I was determined to see some tits and drink beer. So off I went and made my way to the stage in my quest for tits. I quickly took a seat by the stage and as I did so a dancer came out. Her body was about a 7 and her hair looked beautiful. Sadly, due to the very low lighting I couldn't see her face well. Seeing her decent body and great hair I sat back and enjoyed the show and threw a couple of ones and drank my beer. Despite this being my first time in a stripclub I could tell right away she was a great dancer. Encouraged by the first great performance I stayed by the stage and waited for the next dancer who came out a few moments later. Lo and behold it was the land whale. Morbid curiosity got the better of me and remained seated and started throwing money for shits and giggles. Big mistake. Encouraged by the influx of cash she began dancing with more intensity and fervor. This caused her saddle bags to shift revealing recesses of flesh that had not been exposed to air for years. The smell was akin to a rotting corpse. Again seasoned visitors of strip clubs are probably thinking whats this guys problem and that if they were in my shoes they would have left long ago. However I stupidly stayed by the stage waiting for the next dancer. I figured that since the first dancer was good and the second horrible that the third would be at least decent. And decent she was. Actually she was gorgeous. An easy 9. Thin waist great ass and perky medium size tits. While her dancing skills were not as good as the first dancer she made up for by looking fantastic and coming off the stage and putting her tits in my face. This however is where things went south. Comically so. As soon as she pulled her tits away from my face her apple watch lit up and she glanced at the notification. A look of sheer terror hit her face and she ran from the stage into the back room in the middle of the set. Sitting there dumbfounded I had no clue what was going on. The DJ dumbfounded as well mumbled something into the mic and me and the few other dudes at the stage kinda just looked at each other shrugged. A beat later we heard her yell in the back "HOLY FUCK DAVE!." about 30 seconds later we see her run out the club with a hoodie and g string on and nothing else. Phone in one hand and her heels in the other. After that I had most definitely had my fill of sitting at the stage and made my way to the bar and took a seat and ordered another beer and a double shot of jack. I needed a drink. Careful to get my change back from the bar tender I quickly knocked back the jack and started on my beer. With the jack in my system and a beer in progress I relaxed a bit and the first dancer with nice hair took a seat next to me put her hand on my crotch and her tits on my shoulder. For a brief moment it seemed as if the night wasn't a total wash. Turning towards her to say hi her face was thrown into sharp relief by the brighter lighting the bar provided. If the bartenders face looked like a stretch of bad road hers looked like chernobyl the day after the melt down. This was only made worse when she smiled and said hello revealing her chomppers which were moss green. I quickly made my escape and said I needed to use the bathroom. I thought that maybe I would have a momentary break from the chaotic night I had endured. Once again I was sorely mistaken. As I walked in I saw two urinals that both had garbage bags taped over them and a sign that said out of order. So I walked into the only stall there and was greeted by a shit Picasso that was all over the seat, inner and outer bowl. It was at that point I had enough of this god forsaken place and left the club.
The next day I still processing the absolute nightmare I had the night before I decided to talk to a buddy who frequent stripclubs and told him about my experiences. He let me know that the owners are pieces of shit. The staff are crooks and that I was lucky to have had a worse experience. A few months later it was in the local news that the police had shut down the club. What for? I don't know and I really don't care.
Now hearing that the place is supposed to reopen soon I felt I should issue a warning and tell people about my horrible experience. You will get more value in throwing your money into pond to feed the ducks than you will there.
