I love New York, and I...

I love New York, and I have learned to tolerate the citizens that make this one of the most dynamic places on Earth, but we have got to do something about the strip club scene. I don’t know if this is how it’s been since time immemorial or since Rudy Giuliani cleaned up Times Square, but I can’t imagine a more expensive rip-off happening anywhere else.

I tried Scores the last time I went to NYC and hated it, so I gave Flashdancers a try for several reasons: it’s had relatively good reviews here; I’ve seen it on Letterman; it’s down the street from Letterman’s Ed Sullivan Theater; and it was only a couple of streets from where I stayed. While the club inside is swanky, the exterior is anything but: You head downstairs into a building right next to a parking ramp, and you’ll have to dodge the thousands of people walking and driving down a very busy Broadway – a very typical, and very fantastic, New York scene.

My experience flatlined from there. I went in the late afternoons both times to avoid paying a cover at 5 o’clock, but the second time I was at most 10 minutes late and the guy assessed me a $10 cover (it jumps up to $20 after 10 p.m.). “Please?” I begged, but he was unmoved. New York fucker. Anyway, I take a right and there’s the club, small and not very well lit. The bar’s right in front of you, bathrooms are to the left. The stage and tables are to the right of the bar, and around the corner is a very dark area with more tables and the wall-length couch were the lap dances are provided.