Sunset Strip. Ok we aren't in Hollywood, we're some shitty strip club in upstate New York. We lied otherwise nobody would come, sorry.

New Windsor, NY. Friday night. First club on a strip club tour up in the Hudson Valley. Right past a busy bar/grill spot called My Place I thought that was the club mistakenly. Pull up plenty of parking walk in. Cover is $10 plus $5 drink minimum so $15 to the guy and he gives you a drink. No alcohol here. I took a Heineken Zero. Layout is one square stage on the right where you came in and seating around that. Small spot. Lapdances/VIP same thing, $60 for 2 songs or $125 for 15 minutes. Mileage sounds extremely high here. Customers all middle age guys seated around the stage. For what's it worth the other clubs I hit in the area talked about this club as the roll your eyes seedy joint aka a TUSCL favorite.

Dancers. About 6 or 7 dancers. All white, one latina. To be blunt awful. A lot of cows past their prime. About 6 or 7 dancers. All white, one latina. One exception was the cute latina, little chunky though but nice face and looked the only one under 35. A couple girls tried to sell me on a great time in VIP, I was not interested it at all but they were pretty open about how it's a high mileage spot. So if maybe your standards a little lower make that alot, actually make that no standards at all, you could probably have a good time. But I just need more from the lineup to have a good time at a strip club.

Also be warned bathroom does NOT have a lock on the door, people will barge in. So take a shit as fast as you can. The good news is, the door is right in front of the stage, so when it does fly open, you can still catch somebody who looks like Rosie O'Donnell tearing it up on stage while everyone else in the club gets to see you too. Now if that ain't a value dump, hell I don't know what is.