Go here for a good time, but you won't stay for a long time

Another Strip Mall Strip Club. This one next to a shady massage parlor behind a Taco Bell. Cover was $20 on a Saturday Night.

Coming in, Bar is along the back, secluded grind booths along each wall, stage on the far wall and seating in the middle. Restroom is on the opposite side of the entrance, near the ATM.

No drink hustle, which is a plus. If only there were enough seating. Dancers tend to congregate in the back while they size up their prey. As this is near where you come in, you're getting offers before you've even taken a breath. Talent doesn't really stack up compared to the other clubs around, but they are friendly and fearless so you'll get a chance to talk to most. Make sure to seem them on stage before you take them back. Some of the biggest crimes in plastic surgery have been committed on these poor workers.

$40/dance and $80/3 if you want them nude. You want them nude, that's why you're a paying member of TUSCL. Private dances happen in the end units of the same area. Only real difference being slightly larger couches, and tables they can use to pin the curtain closed. Everyone is quick to let you know that this is where the magic happens. Jojo is a naturally stacked blonde who puts in a lot of effort and your dollars will give good value. Crystal is a curvy latina who will put everything out on the table in her pitch. There's a twiggy blonde whose name escapes me, but she is your go-to for air dances that do absolutely nothing for you.

In spite of this, I've gone more than once. This is not the place for top-tier talent or relaxing the evening away, but if you're craving some quick connection and human contact while the world falls apart all around us, there are worse places to go.