Possibly the most amusing way to...

Possibly the most amusing way to get a lap dance, anywhere, is when the Vermonter stops in Springfield, Mass. The Amtrak station is one block from Mardi Gras, and because of the vicissitudes of the Northeast's track network, the train stops there for anywhere from ten to thirty minutes.

I ran from the train into the club and flagged down a beautiful Russian as she was mounting the steps to the VIP area. She accompanied me to the much cheaper $20 per song private dance area, with its "absolutely no contact with dancers" signs. Nevertheless, as her enormous breasts brushed my face, I swept the backs of my fingers against the undersides of her breasts. She told me no touching was permitted, but her smile led me to believe she enjoyed the touch, and as I had a good enough view to be certain no one could see us who was not themselves receiving some dancer contact myself, I ventured a few more fleeting touches, which were welcomed with similarly mild warnings.