Football

My life on the road appears glamorous to some, but really it's more work than excitement. I woke up close to noon and didn't even shower after catching a quick breakfast at a local Awful House. I like going there because you order off the menu by pointing at a picture, much like how you order a stripper at a dive bar. Nevertheless I digress.

I picked this club because it had some decent reviews of a laid back club and small and intimate. I need that after the biscuits and gravy had me in a comatose. The college game was on, and the locals were pissed after their teams was behind to Texas Tech. With a mascot name like "the Mountaineers" it had me thinking about mounting some big old ta tas! The mood picked up later when the local squad mounted a nice comeback for the victory. Just to give you an ideas of the vibe, o thought someone was going to kick a field goal through the teeth of some of the patrons, because when they would roar in applause from their team scoring, you could see their top teeth were missing with a huge gap that looked like goal posts. Why do I mention these details you ask, well the vibe went from sour to uplifting after the game was in hand for the locals, and then the girls finally started circulating around the club looking for money!

I was wondering what took them so long to notice me. I had two Budweiser beers figuring the label would assist me in fitting in with this blue collar crowd. First first girl, brunette was on her phone and real cute and I tipped her on stage. She went back to her phone until the end of the game. 2nd girl I saw had huge natural DDs to the point her shoulders were slouched. I tipped her anyway because she had all of her teeth and smiled. She asked me for a dance later but I declined wanting to see the rest of the lineup. The 3rd girl was OK on the pole doing some tricks, and she was halfway athletic, portraying a vision of health. Problem was upon further review, she had stretch marks from her baby she had two years ago when I went on stage to tip. She came by after and started to chat me up, and went on about her boyfriend getting laid off from work and how she needed to work weekend shifts to support her child. This girl looked like she could have talent, but her hard life style showed she could use a few non-processed foods in her diet and less smoking to curb her hoarse voice. She sounded like Miley Cyrus but looked more like Billy Ray Cyrus when in the light there were some noticeable facial hair and stubble on her nip!