Lawrence Is Just As Clean As Kansas City

I like Kansas City. It is a neat Midwestern town, and I like the people, for the most part. All the fountains are great, the jazz is impressive, and the barbecue may be the best in the country. (Arthur Bryant’s may be slipping, but Joe’s, formerly Oklahoma Joe’s? Worth waiting in line for.) But the strip club scene? Still poor, and certainly not like the jackfest the other big Missouri city, St. Louis, continues to be. (Sure, it’s really all the red-light shit in Illinois, but it’s part of the STL metropolitan area.)

I pooh-pooh K.C. without ever stepping foot in Temptations, even though I hear it’s been slipping for some time. But I am good with one stop at Bonita Flats a few years ago, and after my balls went International Klein Blue at the (now-closed, really?!) Whispers, I decided to cast my perv net farther for my Sunday night. All the way to the progressive college town of Lawrence, Kan., where I was the day before, enjoying the Kansas men’s basketball team beating down Nebraska at Allen Fieldhouse, to try out this place called the Flamingo Club. It has (or had) decent ratings on TUSCL, and so I struck out across the border (I was staying on the KCMO side) hoping to find some decent coed tail that got corrupted before she started stripping. I was fearful, however, that the failed banana republic the state of Kansas has become since its residents decided to elect crackpot conservative Sam Brownback as governor and his fellow loony Republicans to the state legislature (and then, in the face of massive debt, re-elect them) meant the FC had to follow “Mike Pence” touching rules.

I was surprised how far Lawrence is from the Kansas City metro area. It took me over an hour to drive (within the speed limit; a state in debt probably would have tagged me for going 55 on a 54) across highways and through the suburbs before I reached a T. Seeing a huge industrial plant belching climate-changing toxins into the air not too far off into the distance, I knew the strip club was close. And after driving a little ways on rocks, I was there. In fact, there were very few customers there. That’s what you get on a Sunday night in a college town that might be on Winter Break.